Doll (MikaYuu)

♦51♦ - Missed You

"How did you get these cuts, Mika?"

I shouldn't have asked it. He could barely speak as it was, had a raging fever, and it was the night he'd just come to me. But I knew how awfully overprotective and distrusting I'd become that night and not having answers made me feel like he wasn't safe.

His gaze fell to the floor, his pinkish-purplish lids my only answer. He tried to muster a response with incomprehensible gesticulations, his tired voice mumbling something. "When... I was moving out. I dropped some stuff... Cut my hands on glass. Accident. Wasn't thinking right. Nobody hurt me... Don't wanna talk about it."

That was fair enough. I was still mad, but I needed to let it go that there was nothing I could do to change it. All I could do was love and help him and hope he was telling the truth.

He was patient with me as I tried to clean him the best I could with stuff that clearly stung. He stared around my room the meanwhile, his eyes dilated oddly. He really needed sleep.

After a long focused moment, I told him, "All done... Do you want anything to wash down the taste of that medicine?" I offered as I pressed my palm to his burning forehead. He shivered, nodding his head.

He told me he'd eaten scarcely before arriving, his illness luckily keeping him sufficed with the loss of appetite. But only did he tell me now that he wanted cookies.

So, it was nearly 4 AM, and I held him in my lap, bundled in covers as he silently ate his cookies. He was beyond exhausted, nearly falling asleep as he chewed. I, meanwhile, had the honor of being tormented by the sight of the bag he carried around for the while. It harassed me with so many questions... Had Mika actually been without a home at a certain point? What did he bring with him? Where did his money go? The question that frightened me most was the possibilities of what he'd done to get here. Where'd he sleep?

Asking him that would torment him. Why couldn't the world just show him mercy for once?

"I didn't want to," he whispered after a moment, a tear running down his face. I looked at him quizzically.

"What?"

He wiped his face, sniffing with all the guilt laced through him. "Tell you to leave. I really did not want to, Yuu. It killed me to do that... But I didn't want to let you see me do what I did. You would've held me back and made me keep it all in... I wanted to explain everything and tell you I was coming back for you... But I couldn't. The look on your face just kept me silenced and hurt." He held onto me, his tears drenching my shirt, but I couldn't care less. I listened.
"I couldn't be in the same room as someone who knew what I did... How I got her taken away. I felt so dirty, and the feeling wasn't going away. I had to take what I could and I didn't want you to see me with such awful haste. I hurt myself so many times trying to get stuff and I couldn't see with all the tears in my eyes and... Everyone just watched me leave with your hoodie on and your bag you left over my shoulder. I couldn't stop crying and feeling so awful. I planned to get a ride for a stay for awhile until I got the courage to come speak to you again, but I had been deducted of so much money... I got any kind of transportation I could by any means... Nothing hurtful, of course. I just had to give up some stuff in the bag like jewelry or anything I carried around that was expensive... I didn't want it anyways... My phone got frozen off when I tried to call for anyone... I got dimes for the payphone but the service was horrible in the blizzard... So I walked. I was so cold, Yuu... I didn't get to say any last words to anyone. The only thing I could think of was getting out of there. I was so naïve... I felt like a child running away from a stupid monster or something. Now I have got an awful fever, but at least I have you..."

He sounded stubborn at the end, dimming down the story's true grimness.

"Don't ever go out again in a blizzard," was all I could say. But I kissed his forehead, and hugged him so thankfully, my lungs nearly caving within me. "Gosh, you're so dumb for that but I love you too much to be mad..."