Camille Syanna
My heart skipped a bit the first time I saw him. I blinked twice as I looked up at him. I always knew what to say, but right now, I felt like my tongue had shrunk a few inches shorter. I couldn't find my voice.
"Hello, Camille!" He offered me his hand, and I stared at it.
Camille. I never knew my name would sound so beautiful from someone else's lips. I mentally counted to three before I accepted his hand and shook it. "You can call me Camsy, Zanti."
Zanti was the most handsome man I had ever seen. And I'd seen plenty on movies, television, and magazines. They would all pale in comparison with Zanti. He had sun-kissed skin, jet-black hair, a charming smile, and hazel eyes that could eat you up by simply staring at you. He could be Ken if we were in Barbie Town.
I knew it was too early to tell, but when our palms touched, I had a glimpse of how our future would be. A very ideal and beautiful happy ever after with the two of us at the end of the line.
I shook my head and sighed at the memory from when I was ten and dreamy. I wanted to laugh because it wasn't long ago when I was still holding onto the idea of ending up with Zanti. How fast did the night change? I didn't know when I stopped seeing him as my future. But I knew it wasn't just yesterday. It could be a few days or weeks ago.
Napaahon ako mula sa pagkakasandal sa upuang kahoy mula sa front porch nang makita ko ang paparating na sasakyan ni ZA. Wala pa man ay nagsisimula nang magwala ang aking puso.
Kanina ko pa tinitimbang kung ano ang aking nararamdaman. I didn't ignore the possibility of Stockholm syndrome. He put me here against my will. That was the truth I needed to swallow if I wanted to determine if what I felt for ZA was something deeper than a psychological condition of a victim.
"Camille?" Kunot ang noo ni ZA nang makita ako pagkababa niya ng sasakyan. He looked surprised but pleased to still see me here after he gave me back my freedom. "What are you still doing here?"
I stood up and walked toward him. Malayo pa lang, I could already smell the liquor in him. "Are you drunk?"
"I had a few," he said. "But I wasn't drunk."
"Ah, so you did drink." Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Saan naman?"
"At a bar downtown," he answered, finally closing into me.
ZA stopped in front of me. Ayaw ko talaga ng amoy niya. Mabaho. Kaya naiinis ko siyang tiningala. "So, I was waiting here all day for you to come home. Worried sick na baka kung ano na ang nangyari sa'yo, iyon naman pala you were okay! Uminom ka pa nga!"
Tinalikuran ko siya dahil naiinis talaga ako. Pumasok na ako sa loob ng bahay, nakasunod naman siya sa akin. Pareho kaming tahimik. He slumped on the couch, ako naman ay nanatiling nakatayo at pinagmamasdan siya.
"For the record, I didn't expect I'd still see you here when I get back." Mahina niyang sabi.
"Bakit? Sinabi ko ba sa'yo na aalis ako? Hindi naman 'di ba?" Tinaasan ko siyang muli ng isang kilay. "At isa pa, saan naman ako pupunta?"
"Hindi ko alam, Camille." Umangat ang mga mata niya sa akin. Hindi ko mabasa ang mga emosyon na naroon dahil napakarami ng gustong itago ni ZA sa akin. It was a little unfair that he could read through me in one look. "You had your phone upstairs. You could've called for help."
"Thanks for the tip. It could have been useful a couple of weeks ago." Mariin kong sabi. I knew where my phone was, but I didn't even try to check it. "I didn't go because I didn't want to leave."
"Why?"
"Got me," I shrugged. Umiiling ko siyang pinagmasdan. "Hindi ko rin alam, ZA. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngayon na may pagkakataon na, ay hindi ko ginawang umalis. I don't know why I choose to sit outside and wait for you all day. I'm confused and scared. Because for the very first time, I didn't know what I was feeling. So, I'm sorry if I couldn't answer your question as to why I was still here."
"Do you still love Zanti?" Again. He had already asked me that question, and right now, I didn't know how to answer it.
It was really a good thing that we weren't sitting close to each other, dahil hindi na naman ako makakapag-isip ng maayos sakaling abutin niya ako at hawakan. And we needed to have this conversation.
We needed to address what was happening between us.
To always be at each other wasn't normal. I had been wanting ZA too much lately and was scared it was something else, something suffocating and sick.
I was familiar with Stockholm syndrome but couldn't really determine if what I was feeling toward ZA was something to that effect. I was slowly empathizing with my captor. It was true that ZA wasn't abusing me or threatening my life. But it was also true that I started as not liking to be here.
"Zanti had always been my comfort space," I started speaking. "For me, he was the safest choice. Because I have known him for as long as I can remember, and it was true that my relationship with him hadn't taken another level, but Zanti hadn't done anything that could make me like him less. Loving Zanti was an idea I held onto for a very long time. It was what defined me."
"That really wasn't an answer to my question, was it?" ZA stared at me as if trying to understand the words coming from my mouth.
"I'm sorry if I can't answer you. I could say I don't, but I'd be lying because I wasn't sure what I was feeling right now." I bit my lower lip and braved his gaze. "What about you? Why does it matter if I do or do not?"
"Because I'm too fucking close to bending the world over for you, Camille." He answered with no bullshits. "And I didn't want to risk the unknown. I didn't want to be another Zanti to you because, unlike him, I genuinely care for you."
ANNOUNCEMENT:
VLADISLAV - ZA's POV which covers the first and second-generation timeline is open for pre-order. We have limited slots left. Please message us on Facebook to order: https://web.facebook.com/frapwpstories or https://web.facebook.com/frxppauchino/
Title: Vladislav (ZA's POV) | Price: P550
Book details: 5x8 perfect bind, 200 pages, cream paper, matte cover.
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