Bad stories I wrote as a kid

Detective Drazee and the Mysterious Cat (age 8)

NOTE: After writing Detective Drazee in first grade, I decided to make a sequel when I was in second grade. I, again, did it through Student Publishing, but the problem was that we stopped getting Student Publishing codes in third grade, so there went my idea for Detective Drazee 3. But worry not, my little Embers, I am most likely going to write a third book, Detective Drazee and the Font Confusion. Or something like that. But without further ado, let's continue.

Ida Drazee was beautiful. (Mary Sue much?) She liked ballet. (Okay, let's check "ballet" off of the list of Things I Liked As A Kid That Ended Up In My Stories) She went to ballet class with Angie Caralo, her best friend. But how will she become the best dancer when June, (The name June was either a tip of the hat to Little Einsteins, or me trying to copy them.) another dancer, dances way better than her?
(I mean, waaaaaay better than her) (That was actually in the book.)

Ida saw a mysterious black cat.(Okay, let's check "cats" off of the list of Things I Liked As A Kid That Ended Up In My Stories) So did Angie- it crept right past June! "My mom is a princess." (Okay, let's check "princesses" off of the list of Things I Liked As A Kid That Ended Up In My Stories) June said as the cat walked around her legs. (leg so hot, hot hot leg, leg so hot u fry an eg) "So I'm a princess too. (Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess.) Who could be luckier than that?"

Then they went to the costume store. (Terrible transition is terrible.) June put on a gold crown and said, "I am a princess, (Forget Ida, this girl's the real Mary Sue here.) they call me Princess June, my parents have a rocket ship (we're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship) that's really fast- ZOOM!" Then she handed Ida a to-do list. Angie got one too. June said, "This is your to-do list. You are now my slave." (Okay, June, I know you're supposed to be, like, a spoiled rich kid character, but slavery is illegal.) The list said:

•Do the laundry
•Make my lunch
•Clean my room (Wow, you have a ROOM? Even I don't have a ROOM. Let's go see your ROOM!)
•Make the beds
•Rake the leaves
•Feed Snowy (my cat)
•Choose a dress for the party (What party? The one Tara went to in Princess Party? I mean, she is a princess.)
•Drive me there (if you have a driver's license) (June, you are handing these lists to TWO CHILDREN. They probably don't have driver's licenses. Or do you, like, have mass-produced copies of the to-do list in your pockets at all times?)

Then they had their performance! They loved it. Especially June- she was the Fairy Queen! (Okay, let's check "fairies" off of the list of Things I Liked As A Kid That Ended Up In My Stories) Everyone loved it when June did a pirouette- but they saw her get dizzy during her performance! (Clearly Little Me did not know ANYTHING about how to do a pirouette, because you're supposed to SPOT while doing a pirouette so you WON'T get dizzy. And June's supposed to be a good dancer, and as such she probably should have learned to spot if she's doing pirouettes IN A PERFORMANCE.) Then there was the part where Angie fell down- on stage! The cat was on the stage the whole time. (Why didn't they call Animal Control...or.... something?)

Note: Just look at the illustration of the "performance".

The background people aren't even in color! And THAT PIANO PLAYER. He's
literally a stick figure! Okay, back to the story.

After the show they went to Ida's room to think about the mystery. (Is it really a "mystery", or is the cat, like, secretly the Illuminati?) Ida wrote down clues in her notebook. She writes down all the clues. She looks (It's looked, not looks. Little Me always confused past and present tense.) at the cat's name tag. It says: (SAID, LITTLE ME, SAID. What is with you and confusing past and present tense?)

Midnight
123-456-7890 (Unrealistic phone number is unrealistic.)

Ida Drazee called 123-456-7890.
"Hello? (HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIIIIDE) Who is this?" said June. (Okay, that's completely unrealistic. You find a mysterious cat and dial the phone number on its collar, and it's apparently a girl you know? HOW? Forget June, Detective Drazee is the luckiest girl in the universe.)
"It's me, Ida. Remember? From ballet class?"
"Oh. Have you found Midnight?" (Wait...It's HER CAT? Didn't she have a cat named Snowy already? Oh wait, she's rich, so she probably has, like, 367488 cats.)
"Yes, I have."
"Great! I'll be right over." (By which she means, "Great! My chauffeur and I are going to be right over in a limousine with heated seats and a built-in movie player and smartphone compatibility, which, by the way, was $30,000,000 dollars, and I'll be wearing some super-expensive haute couture straight from Paris that you can't even afford.)

Midnight meowed (I'm a cat, check meowt! Meow meow meow meow check meowt! I'm a cat!) when June reached out to pet her. "Thanks, Ida. I couldn't have done it without you." (So she goes from being all snooty to all nice in such a short time? Look, I'm all for dynamic characters, but you can't really have a dynamic character in a story this short.)

Another case solved by....

Detective Drazee

Note: that was actually how I ended it. I just thought it was pretty cute.

(Also, while not as trippy as the original, this story has a significant lack of....what's the word.....LOGICAL SENSE.)