Most people look at me and see someone who is fine to them, but they never see the truth, never see the scars. My friends and family don't know who I really am. WHAT I really am. People say madness is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result, but if so, is love madness? Love is a series of actions meant to woo them, we do a certain thing they like and we expect to see a similar result. No, madness is when you try to get something done and no matter what approach you take, it never works out. I am mad. I try to sooth heartache by ignoring it, using it, wallowing in it, replacing the breaker, being the breaker, and a myriad of other things, only to have each one fail catastrophically. I can't hurt someone, but I'm can't take the pain. I can't be inspired by it, nor does letting it lie make it better. I may never love again, I may love a thousand times over, but my heart never changes. I hold a promise, and someone's trust, higher than religion and politics and any other important thing in this world. To break a promise or to be untrustworthy is cause enough for death in my book, but I can't pass such judgment because it requires my death in order to be true to what I feel. To those who I have a promise to that I broke, and those whose trust I betrayed, if you wish of me my head, say the words, and it will be yours by the Morrow. My decent into madness has made me realize that life isn't precious at all. It is short and sweet, but most lives pass without much notice. Fears and pains are dumb, war redundant, splits worthless. If most people could see trough the eyes of the mad then you know what he'll can be like. A favorite quote of mine is "The difference between a non-suicide and an ex-suicide is the non gets up and goes to work because he has to, the ex gets up and goes to work because he can."
