I walked the path to where you lay. I know it by heart; I have been here every single day since you passed. It’s not like the band is together anymore. I can’t write anymore songs without you by my side. If I am able to write a song it sucks. Tico, David, and I agreed it would be weird touring without you anyway. People have asked us why don’t we replace you. Every time I say it would be disrespecting your memory and I couldn’t picture the band with anyone else, but you.
I remember the day I got the call that you were in the accident. I was planning our evening in my head. That night was going to be the day I told you I loved you. I guess fate didn’t want us together. I thought it was a prank call at first, but when the doctor said you wouldn’t make it through the week, possibly not even the night, I knew you were hurt badly and this wasn’t a joke. I rushed over to the hospital and asked for information on you. I was told to wait and a doctor would come out and talk to me.
I did not have to wait long. Maybe about five minutes; which felt like forever to me. The doctor told me you were involved in an accident with an 18-wheeler. At that moment my heart dropped. So many questions went through my head. Where you driving? Did you run a red light? Did the truck driver not see you? Was the driver drunk?
When the doctor told me you were not driving I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. He then told me the driver of the car was killed on impact and you were seriously injured. He said once the car was hit by the truck the car ended up landing on its roof. Your air bag didn’t deploy so you had serious head trauma. Along with a lot of internal injuries, every bone in your right arm was broken, and all the bones below your knee in you left leg where broken, you also had cuts and bruises covering your body. He told me you were in a coma; that you may never wake up from. He said I may go and see you, but only for a little bit. You were in the ICU and since I was not family I could not stay long.
He let me in and the first thing I noticed was all the machines around you. I didn’t know what they were for or what they did. All I knew was they were keeping you alive and for now that was all that mattered. I sat down next to your bed and took your hand in mine. Looking at your face which was pale and covered with cuts and bruises. I wished you would open your eyes. I wanted to look into your eyes and know that everything would be okay.
My mind screamed at me that nothing would be okay. That I was going to lose you. I would never get to tell you I loved you and knew you loved me. We would never be able to start a relationship that I so desperately wanted to start with you. Ever since my wife found out I had feelings for you she couldn’t look at me the same. She ended up leaving me. I didn’t care; as long as you were by my side nothing mattered. Now I run the chance of losing you. I felt tears falling down my face. It didn’t matter; nothing mattered to me at this point. Actually one thing mattered. That you would make it through this and we would be together.
I sat with you for a few more minutes until someone came in and told me I had to leave. It pained me to leave you alone. I started to think why is your mom not here? Does she know you’re hurt? Does she not care? I figured I would call her when I returned home; alone. I reluctantly left your room and made my way outside. I walked the short distance to my car; when I got in I couldn’t bring myself to start the car. There were so many people I had to tell. I called David and Tico and asked them to meet me back at the house. They tried to ask me what was wrong, but I refused to tell them over the phone. That would be wrong. I tried calling your mother’s house, but no one answered. I figured she was on her way here. I made it back to the house and found Tico and David waiting outside.
I refused to tell them anything for a few minutes. They kept questioning and when I finally had enough I blurted out what happened. I couldn’t stop myself from breaking down. I told them everything. I told about the evening I planned out. I told them about my feelings for you. They didn’t seem to care. They kept reassuring me that everything would be okay. I couldn’t believe them. I told them how I couldn’t reach your mother. They told me she died a few months ago. I got mad because you didn’t tell me, but you told Dave and Tico. That’s when they told me they overheard you talking to someone else about it. Said you didn’t want to bother us with it. I filed that in the back of my mind.
