I walk silently into Lexa's room. She's laying on her bed looking up at the ceiling, but quickly looks over to me as I make my way towards her. I smile at her, and she does the same at me. I position myself on her bed so that I'm half laying on it but my other half is hanging off. I take one her hands in mine and bring it up to my mouth and kiss the back of it. "I love you, Clarke." She says, looking down at me.
I smile back up at her as I say, "I love you too. So much." Her smile widens, and I pull myself up to gently kiss her lips.
"You know, " she whispers when we pull away, "my people could always use a new teacher or two over here."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. They could teach our people how to work with some of the tools you have at the arc. And in return--"
I cut her off with another kiss. "And in return, I could keep kissing you." She laughs but doesn't say anything, I guess my idea was appealing to her. I pull back and lay my head on her stomach, listening to her breathe. She lay there, playing with my hair as we gaze into each others eyes; a silent conversation unlike no other.
"There's also a job you could take here," she says. "I feel like you would like it. After you got over the animal part first, that is.
I frown, "Animal part?"
Lexa nods, "We have tigers here that are trained for war. They are only cubs right now, but soon they will get big enough to tear your head off." I look at her like she's crazy, and she notices. In fact, she even grins a little. "Clarke, you don't have to, it was just a suggestion. Besides, you wouldn't get hurt, none of my people have gotten hurt from training war tigers before."
"Mmmmm that's okay. I think I'll pass." She laughs.
"That's fine. I'm not pushing you to do anything you don't want to do. . . but, you might want to do this." She pulls my face back to hers, and by now I'm finally on her bed all the way. She kisses me slowly, passionately, like she's about to lose me forever. She pulls back, "Clarke."
"What?" I whine from the sudden absence.
"Clarke."
"What!"
"Clarke!"
"WHAT? JUST TELL ME!" She looks down at my hand on her stomach, in which I pull it off thinking I'm causing her discomfort. Although when I do, I see that there's a dark spot forming just where my hand was. I look up to her face, and to my horror, there's blood running out of the corner of her mouth. "Oh my god! Lexa!"
"You were right Clarke," she whispers with a hint of a pained smile on her face, "maybe life is about more than just surviving."
"No. No no no no NO! Lexa!" And just like that, she was gone. The love of my life was gone. Forever.
*******
I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding. It was just a dream. . . A dream that is a recurring nightmare since Lexa died for real. Every night for the last two weeks. I wake up from a dream of her death, every time it changes, but it's still that dreaded gunshot to the stomach that takes her away from me.
I sit there, sobbing, not able to calm myself down. Why? Why did it have to be her? We were finally happy. I was finally happy. Lexa, was finally happy. She never let anyone in, and for good reason. This time though, cost her her life. I couldn't bear the pain. I needed her. Her death literally drained my spirit from my body. Everyone I love seems to die.
Octavia bursts into my room, hers being just next door. She could probably hear my cries again. "Shh, Clarke, it's okay. You're okay." She jumps into bed next to me, holding me tight as I sob even harder.
"No, it's not. It's my fault she's gone. I should never have--" I can only get enough out before I start sobbing again, it was uncontrollable, so I just let go this time. All Octavia does is sit there, trying to comfort me the best she knows how. No one can bring Lexa back, not even me this time.
Okay, so this is literally a dream I had last night just before my alarm went off for me to get up. The beginning part before Clarke wakes up anyway. I wrote it down right away, and then once I got home I edited it a little bit. But for the most part, it was a crazy realistic dream.
Upset at the writers for killing off Lexa, I mean, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!? Did you see how Jroth lost over 50k on twitter? LOL, whatever though, he had it coming. Lexa will be missed greatly. Alycia Debnam-Carey played a beautiful role and did it justice. RIP Lexa, you can have all the candles you want in the City of Lights. ;P
