Bed Bounded

Bedbounded (OLD. NEVER PUBLISHED?!?)

Bed bounded, cold sweats, overheats and constant migraine, I don't understand why my body wishes to do this to me now out of all times, life was getting on track?.. Ready to go study.
Having that taken, your way of life, freedom, changed so ever quickly.
Crying at the driving wheel because you feel like you're going to faint, that was me, I know I know, it sounds stupid to do, but I had to get home. Get my car back after a night being out?

Mother drives me to the hospital and next thing you know, I've getting needle after needle, 2 blood tests, and then hours of laying in an emergency room, useless, unable to move, heating up like I was in a sauna, eye sight blurry as can be, I hate hospitals, I never go to them unless I am or were to visit someone but never am I to be the one admitted, after hours of sodium chloride was pumped into me to cool down, next thing I'm in a wheel chair being taken to my hospital room, they're terrible, I really didn't expect myself to go down this path, I never get sick?.. Ever.

After a whole night and depressing day.. Did I tell you how much I hate hospitals? I did? I'm sorry but my bed hurt and strained my back/neck, making my migraine that much worse.
After being sent home, my whole week was just taking Panadeine forte, Panadol, just anything to let me walk and be someone "normal" but even that I just was run down and weak, always falling asleep on the couch halfway through a show, because the strongest meds just take me under, peaceful sleep, but every time was still never enough. Been to the doctors twice, still prepping up a temperature, my god it was bad, shivers and jittery talking, I was just in consistent straining pain. The second appointment after the week was up, beforehand, have you ever felt fuzzy in the head? Everything seem darker, nonexistence, everything go mute as you're unable to barely walk. I had ran into the bathroom, felt like puking and fainting. The doctor wanted me admitted, which is what happened.

Thought I was over needles, growing up in life having to get flu shots, always the one child in line blasting everyone's ears off with my crying, believe one time the guy just was so close to not giving my flu shots, I had to go last because I cried, cried, screaming my lungs out, not my fault? Many kids and people grow up with a phobia, but I believe I had to get over it quicker than ever once again as I believe I've had 7 needles, in a course of a weekend and a day... Seen so much of my own blood, it's my own, yes but this recent, have you seen your own drip, spill all over the side, as I've had so much blood taken I was get unconscious, once again throwing myself into the bathroom. That was horrible.

Having to go from the most social butterfly out there, to bed bounded in a hospital, crying has been something I have definitely done during my time, I don't want to seem like a baby because I know people are in and out of hospital all the time, but as someone who isn't used to this, it scared and upset me dearly, it's depressing, sends you crazy, you end up rolling side to side crying quietly but hard in a hospital, in hopes no one hears your cries. Don't get me wrong, I know staying here is for my own good, but from casually seeing friends, to begging for people who don't have cars or proper ways of transport to come to see you casually as you see them is always an issue. Crying is all I can do is keep asking and hoping to be able to go home better and be able to dress up, do my hair, make up, colour, all the stuff I would do at home. Having to avoid smoking while healing is a big thing too, I'm not craving it, but the wish to go back and sit with my friends and socially have a smoke is a miss.

Whatever virus my body has, it's effecting my organs, my liver being the biggest one.
Hopefully in time my soon ultrasound shows if I can go home or not, I guess time will tell.