Cheradine- Lost and found

Chapter 13

There’s a sense of expectancy that hangs over them on the short car journey back to the house – like the air between them is crackling with charged particles.

Neither are inclined to drag this out any longer than necessary and almost as soon as Nadine’s shut the front door, Cheryl has her backed up against it.

“I’ve been wantin’ to do this all fuckin’ day,” Cheryl mutters before slanting her mouth over Nadine’s, kissing Nadine in a way that makes her feel it was worth the wait, just for the way her knees buckle.

“Nadine?” comes a familiar voice from somewhere in the direction of the kitchen. “Hope you don’t mind, love, but I let myself in to...“ Nadine’s mum tails off as she steps into the living room to be confronted with the sight of her daughter kissing another woman. The colour instantly drains from her face.

Nadine and Cheryl spring apart but it’s a bit late for damage control.

“Mam,” Nadine begins, feeling herself flush with shame. “I –“

“I’d like to speak to my daughter. Alone,” her mum responds, her voice almost robotically devoid of inflection. Nevertheless, there’s an undercurrent of steel in it.

Cheryl exchanges a quick look with Nadine, and the younger girl nods wordlessly.

“Ehm, I’ll make myself scarce then,” Cheryl mumbles, keeping her gaze rooted on the floor as she walks past Nadine’s mum. She casts a quick glance back over her shoulder, communicating her support silently, before disappearing into Nadine’s bedroom.

For her part Nadine just wants the ground to swallow her up.

***

Nadine wants to say it’s not what you think, it’s not what it looks like but she can’t force a lie, not to her mother’s face. The evidence is pretty damning anyway and she thinks the excuse ‘Oh, aye, Cheryl tripped and fell onto my lips’ probably wouldn’t hold much sway...

She’s never seen her mother so gravely still, anger so completely contained. She’s livid; it’s plain to see in the rigid set of her jaw.

“Mam,” she starts, hoping to circumvent the harsh words before they come.

The look her mum gives - a look that could curdle milk - stops her short.

“What were you thinkin’, Nadine? Carryin’ on with a married woman?” her mum asks, her tone somewhere between hushed fury and bewilderment.

The rhetorical question leaves Nadine feeling about two inches tall.  “It’s not – we haven’t –“ she stops, closes her eyes and takes a steadying breath. “We didn’t plan this. It literally just happened yesterday.”

Her mother’s eyes narrow and Nadine shifts uncomfortably under that flinty stare. “And does Ashley know?”

“No. But she’s leavin’ him.”

That doesn’t do much to placate her mother. “Until the divorce papers are signed she’s still married and what she’s doin’ is committin’ adultery.”

“Well, he cheated on her first! Twice!” Nadine blurts. “She doesn’t love him anymore, mam.”

“Is that what she’s told you?” her mum responds tartly. When a reply isn’t immediately forthcoming, she purses her lips. “I didn’t think so.”

A heavy silence falls and Nadine sinks down onto a chair opposite her mum.

“Look, you’re a good girl, Nadine. It’s not like you to get involved in this sort of trouble.” Her eyes are kinder, gentler now. “The problems between a husband and their wife are theirs to fix. They made a vow to each other. You shouldn’t stand in the way of that."

If Nadine thought for a second that Cheryl wanted to resolve her differences with Ashley, she’d step aside, but nothing she’s heard from Cheryl since she arrived in LA has given any credence to that; the Geordie’s made it abundantly clear that she and Ashley are past tense.

“I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you, mam,” Nadine says, gathering her resolve. “But I’m not sorry about how I feel.”

“Nadine.”

“No.” Nadine holds up a hand to silence her mum. Miraculously, it actually works. Although Nadine’s terrified and her hands are shaking, there’s a strange current of power building within herself. With each passing second she feels stronger, calmer. “You’re my mammy and I love you to bits but I don’t need your approval. I’m a grown woman, fully capable of makin’ my own decisions.”

They stare each other down for a long moment, their expressions inscrutable.

Then Nadine sees her mum sag slightly, a defeated slump to her shoulders. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, love,” her mum sighs. “Once the papers get hold of it, you’ll never get a minute’s peace. I remember the hassle they gave you with Jesse. Is it really worth that?”

Nadine tries to ignore the kneejerk offense she feels on Cheryl’s behalf, the Geordie being compared to her drug-addled ex. “She’s nothin’ like him.” She gives her mum a look of entreaty. “Mam, Cheryl makes me happy.”

That simple statement seems to at least partially dismantle her mother’s opposition. Her mum holds out one arm and Nadine gratefully shuffles over to be enfolded in a hug. “I hope that’s enough, I really do,” her mum says, pressing a quick kiss to Nadine’s forehead.

They sit like that for a few minutes until her mum pipes up eventually with: “Does that mean you’re gay now?”

Nadine gives a one-shouldered shrug. “I think I just like Cheryl really.”

“Hmm,” her mum says. There’s a short pause then, “What about Sarah? You two would be better suited, I think.”

“Mammy!” Nadine responds, pulling back in shock.

“What? She’s a nice girl. And isn’t she’s single again?”

Nadine just covers her ears.