i'm alright

prologue

My name is Felicity, and this is my story.

When I was a little girl, around the ages of 2-5, I would call my uncle Darrin "my moon man". No one knew how this started, and no one knew why. One day I began calling him my moon man, and the name stuck. As I grew older, the name faded, and I forgot about it. My family forgot too, but not like I did; they put it in the backs of their minds, while my memory of it was basically erased.

My uncle, Darrin, died at the age of 28 on August 22, 2010. He drowned trying to save his friend from drowning. Up until his death, I had always admired him, in fact I still do. He was very creative and artistic, and I like to believe he is the reason for my love of art. He encouraged me to be myself and do what I want to do with my life.

Ever since my uncle's death, I've had a lingering numbness in my mind. I never put much thought into it mainly because I was in sixth grade, going through puberty, and I thought that "maybe it's supposed to happen". Well news flash 10 year old me, it's not supposed to happen. You are not supposed to be feeling lonely, hopeless, and useless all the time.

I've read up on depression, and what I have found is that depression can be triggered by a traumatic event. In my case, his death is the reason for my so called depression. I have never been diagnosed, nor will I ever probably. I know this because I also believe that I may have anxiety, which I have tried to tell my parents about. They always say the same thing: it's just a phase, you'll get over it. "Maybe I will, but right now I'm having issues so please help." Is what I wish I could reply, but I hold myself back.

Nobody's depression is identical. Nobody's reason for having depression is identical. I've found this out from experience.