Bars and White

Chapter Eight

Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Today was one of those rainy days. It reminded me of the weather when I met her. Her and her yellow umbrella could never escape my wandering thoughts. I remember watching her get soaked in the rain. The playful glint in her eyes taunted me. She was always making fun of me. Sometimes, all I wanted to do was take that stupid yellow umbrella and burn it. Anyways, there was a crack in my ceiling and water was currently leaking into my cell. I was grateful for the source of liquid and I stood right under the crack, catching each drop on my tongue. It tasted like heaven and the ache in my neck was nothing. It didn't rain very often here so most of the time I had to rely on other less sanitary sources of hydration.

Cammie came to visit as per usual and she took her regular spot in front of the bars. I had grown used to her coming to see me over the past few weeks although I still couldn't figure out why. Most of the time she would just talk. I gave up trying to get her a leave a while ago. Today, I was in a particularly jolly mood, as happy as a solitary inmate could be, and I sat down a few feet across from her. I enjoyed her rants and waited for her to begin. Cammie took a look around my cell and saw the leak.

"Have you ever heard of acid rain?" She asked, finally.

I remained silent. I hadn't heard of it.

"It's when the pollution around an area of evaporation is so extreme that when the liquid evaporated condenses, it is filled with toxic chemicals that sting your skin."

I thought back to the rainwater I was greedily lapping up before she came and sheepishly smiled.

"One day, I'd like to go dancing in acid rain," Cammie said. "I know it's a bizarre wish but dancing in regular rain is so ordinary and boring. There's no point in life if you never take risks."

I got the feeling that the risks Cammie was talking about weren't as simple as dancing in acid rain. Her words rang true though. Was it truly living if you never did anything real? For once, I willingly thought back to her. Yes of course her and her yellow umbrella. But what about the other moments. All of a sudden though, I just couldn't remember anything. Our first kiss, the good days, the bad days, my favorite moments. They had all just disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I wracked my brain trying to grasp something. Anything. Just that yellow umbrella and her amused face. I was left wondering if we ever actually did anything real.

Cammie gave me a skeptical look. "I have a feeling you have never truly lived."

I glanced up from my scrambled thoughts and realized that she had confirmed the truth. I have just been the shell of a man, wandering around with no true purpose. In that moment I felt much more pathetic than I already was. I was wasting my life away in this pathetic prison cell. Somehow though, this feeling of pathetic-ness stirred something inside of me. I locked eyes with her eerie yellow ones and opened my mouth for the first time in months.

"Daniel."

The word came out in a whisper. My vocal chords were rusty from negligence. The simple two syllables made my throat ache and I sounded hoarse and dead inside. But it didn't matter to me. Immediately after uttering the word, I felt released. Warmth spread through my body.

But in the midst of the euphoria I was experiencing, a voice was heard.

How dare you. How dare you enjoy yourself when you are the reason she is dead.

And a quick as the warmth had come, it was replaced by icy coldness. I didn't even bother to look at Cammie before I struggled to my feet and turned away from her. I walked back to my bed, faced the wall and refused to turn back around. I squeezed my eyes close as a sinister laugh entered my mind. The face on my wall twisted into an evil grin. I would never be free. I would never escape as long as my wall and my bars held me captive. But deep down, even I knew that if I were to one day be let out of this hell hole, the blood on my hands would never disappear.