A Definitive List of People Who Can Fight Me (And Why)

2. Bad casting directors.

Okay, let's establish something: I do theatre, and when you do it for as long as I have, you start mentally ranking your experiences. Now normally, you'd think like 'oh, it must be hard.' And really, it's not. I've been doing theatre for so long, that my experiences range from "literal hell" to "does not make me want to die probably" am I going to name which company makes me feel the former? Or even which season I do it in? No. Again, I'm not going to deface a certain company online because I hate them, but the casting directors from the specific companies I'm thinking of can fIGHT ME AND ILL TELL you wHY OKAY?
So first off, when you do smaller productions, which is what I've stuck to, the casting directors are often the actual directors, so when they cast someone who sucks more than a Hoover vacuum cleaner connected to a nuclear reactor, they don't have someone who sees them for how terrible they are to fix the actor, so if an actor has some type of fatal flaw, nobody picks it out. Maybe if they enlisted some extra help picking out the cast they would know not to cAST SOMEONE WHO SOUNDS LIKE A BAGPIPE GOING THROUGH THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL

Next, if you go to another small company, you get directors who pick favorites. Is this good if you're one of them? Arguably, yes, if you have talent, BUT, and I'm really sorry, most favorites are not talented. Even if they are, Directors are now close minded to new people until they're forced not to be. It's unfair and it bothers me to no end. Am I thinking of myself, because I feel like I have undeserved talent? Maybe, but I have seen way to many people who are talented to the moon and back neglected a role because of something like experience or personal beliefs or even sexuality
(Yeah. I know someone who was kicked from a show for being gay. It wasn't even religious or anything. ) I mean, seriously? It's theatre. You're going to have at least one in the bunch who is at LEAST questionably gay.

What I am saying is that casting directors can be some of the most immature and irresponsible people in the world and that sucks for people who genuinely work hard at what they love and what they do. They think that just because they have power over such a big group of people, that they can Do what they want, but some of these things are just plain wrong. They are the almighty
The alpha and omega
They are in a constant state of supersayin.
They are the all powerful
Even over me
Yeah, me too. I have REPEATEDLY WANTED to quit but because I feel like this certain director *just might see finally what I'm capable of* but they never do. I think I might actually be done, but you never know.

Have you ever realized that casting directors always look like cartoons? I had one who looked like a hippopotamus and another who looked like one of those weebly things? Weeblees? Wabbling constantly, never falling down.
You get the feeling that if you punched them they wouldn't really get hurt. Their faces would contort like some sort of weird real life cartoon? That's obviously something to consider when fighting them.
How I Will Win: Okay ladies, I'm going to pop your overinflated ego like a full waterballoon on a trampoline in the summer sun. As you can see from my clever plotting earlier, I know that punching you probably isn't going to work, but I will use your rubbery quality to bring you to the ground. I will drag you by what little hair is on your head and bring it between your legs and tie your legs around your head. Then, I make you watch David Hasslehoff in Jekyll and Hyde so you can finally see how bad theatre can get, and then I'll leave you in an empty room around pictures of your former favorites until you dawn upon the bitter realization that you were no better than the atrocity that I just made you watch.

(This all being said, I've met a few actually good directors in my life. They exist.)