But, I Love Him - Minizerk Fanfiction

Chapter 16

Simon's P.O.V

"Uh... sorry?" I say hesitantly "wait no I'm not apologising. Are you being serious?"

"Yeah I'm serious. I'm just not comfortable with you together." Ethan replies.

"We thought you out of everyone would be the most accepting. I guess we were wrong" Josh says, now letting go of my hand.

"Ethan what the hell?! Tell me, tell me why this is so wrong!" I say getting angry. I'm not letting Ethan destroy everything I've worked so hard for.

"Look, for the past few years I've always been the 'gay' one. I just put up with it but I hate it. And to now see that you're both gay but you still teased me for years about being gay, although I'm not anyway! Even when you knew you were gay you would call me names and make fun of me. I hate it. I hate this!" He says pointing at us, he then leaves the kitchen looking like he's going to cry.

Josh and I just stand there in an awkward silence. Eventually he starts to leave the kitchen.

"Josh, where are you going?" I ask putting my hand on his shoulder.

"My room, just leave me alone" he says shrugging my hand off his shoulder in annoyance.

"Josh...?" I say loudly up the stairs.

I hear his bedroom door shut and I sit on the bottom stair. I never thought Ethan would act like that. I definitely thought Josh wouldn't react like that either. To be honest he did say he was still scared of what people think of us. I guess it's like that cinema date all over again. I now see Josh for who he really is. He was getting better as well. He wanted to act more like a couple, for me. But look where it got us. He's sad and lonely again. Like he was when I left him. I'm not leaving him again. I need to help him through this. It's how I got better and it's how he will too.

After a few minutes of thinking I go up to Josh's room. I don't knock because I know he'll just say for me to leave. I open his door and find him lying on his bed facing away from the door.

"Leave me alone" he says into his pillow.

I don't reply I just lie down next to him and wrap my arms around him, comforting him.

"I'm sorry, Joshy" I say into his back "I said everyone would be ok with us together and I guess I was wrong. There's always going to be someone that doesn't like the idea of us together but that just means we don't need them in our lives. We can't surround ourselves with negativity, not right now. We have each other and I know for sure that something like that isn't going to make me lose you. I will fight for you until I die. I love you, Josh."

"You never said the person that wouldn't like us together would be one of my best friends" he says through sobs. He's truly broken. I feel so bad, guilty. I know it's not completely my fault but I feel so responsible for his sadness.

"I'm sure he's just a bit shocked. He'll warm up to it and eventually it'll be fine. We just need to wait a bit, that's all." I say trying to comfort him.

For us as a couple things haven't gone too well so far. I have to think only of the positives to keep me mentally stable in all honesty. There's so many things that have gone wrong but I'm determined to make them right so Josh and I can live a happy life together. I would do anything for that.

"Simon I need to tell you something" he says getting up "I went to your old therapist and I've been diagnosed with depression. Often, I like to distract myself with things such as... umm I don't know, physical possessions or music, people sometimes, temporarily, it makes me forget about the problems that I really have to focus on. Often, these problems are unpleasant realities that are painful or hard to think about and are most difficult to try and solve. Not only this, but with depression, I often feel that I am alone in everything. Even when you're stood right next to me. When I am forced to deal with my problems and hardships, I do so with the thought and belief that I am alone in solving them, and dealing with everything by myself. I inadvertently pull myself away from help or assistance because of this invisible enemy in my mind. What I'm saying is that I distract myself from these problems. Simon, I think my distraction is you." He's crying, I can't help but cry also. He's gone through so much and I need to help him, no I don't need to, I want to.

"What do you mean...?" I say through my tears.

"I mean; I was distracting myself from my problems through you. I was using you as a shield so I don't have to face anything. You're what took my mind off everything. My love for you however, was a trait I adapted though doing this. I don't know if it's real love or just a bi-product of my distraction methods. I'm sorry Simon."