Undeniable

Eight

I watched as Sherri inhaled and exhaled many breaths. "I accept your apology. I really do."

"I also want to say that I know you have to heal from everything your husband put you through, and I don't want to rush your healing or anything like that." I went on, running my fingers through my blonde colored hair. "But, I don't want to sit around and wait forever for you to decide--"

"Teri, you don't have to wait on me or anything else." The soft speaking woman cut me off. "And, speaking of my husband, I think that I um...that I've reached my breaking point...with him."

My eyes widened. Just a few weeks ago, she was protesting that letting go was the hardest thing she'd come to. Now she was ready to walk away?

Sherri goes on with, "Its just that every time I'm in his presence, my mind instantly goes back to everything that happened. And, it hurts." Cascading tears rustled upon each cheek, fighting to reach her chin. "I'm tired of hurting."

I scooted my chair closer to hers, then grabbed her left hand and placed it in my mine. She had made things quite a reality over the previous weeks, which had definitely put me in my heart lately. But, I couldn't just forget about her pain. She was hurting too, more than I was, and I promised to be there through it all.  "Sherri--"

"I just cant do it anymore, Teri." She cut me off, then tried wiping away her fallen tears, but failed at doing so. Her head hung low, revealing the despair trapped in her chest.

I took my index finger and placed it under her chin, lifting her head and lining it with mine. I then cleared her face with my thumbs.
"My love, there's no denying that I've been pretty pissed at you, lately. But, I choose to not sit here and allow you to just let all of this hurt take over you." 

Sherri began to cry harder. This indicated her feeling guilty of letting the destruction of pain consume her. But, she didn't have to play around in guilt. Pain demanded to be felt. "Everything around me is changing--I'm changing."

"Sher, c'mon." I sighed. "Times change, people change. Everyday of your life wont always be peaches and cream. I assure you its perfectly fine to not be okay."

She placed the palm of her right hand above her heart. "I feel weak. And, being weak isn't like me. I'm not--"

"Sherri, I know you." I stopped her sentence. "And, I know that even during your weakest moments you're strong without even knowing it." My hands traveled to her lower back area, giving comfort. "You don't have to be ashamed of feeling weak. Whether its sad, happy, angry--you feel it. But, don't let it take over you. If this is a battle, you have to defeat the pain. Don't let it defeat you." My lips formed a curve on the right side of my face.

Sherri threw her eyes on mine, then awarded me with a familiar smile.
I think she was finally wanting to be free.

—

Sherri

"I gotta go, I gotta leave.
So, please don't make
It hard for me.
I gave enough, I'm tired of love.
I gotta let it go."

"Well, that's all for today, I hope you two go over the--"

"Uh, actually there's something I want to say." I said, stopping me and Khamar's therapist before letting her take a bite at any more words. This session was now over, and the three of us were leaving. But, not before I decided to let my heart speak.

I had been feeling absolutely horrible for awhile, because I didn't want to believe that my family nor my marriage was breaking right under my nose. I just wasn't okay with it, until I realized it was more so of reality, than just a thought in my head.
After speaking with Teri yesterday, I recognized that she was definitely right about everything she'd said. I had let the pain and everything else take over me. I had let it define me and change me into someone whose identity was still unclear. I did not want to be that woman forever. Broken and erased of happiness. I wouldn't be that woman forever. Because today, I was gonna get me back--the Sher Bear I knew myself to be.