My Bad Decision

It all started at my kitchen table laughing and talking with my friend. When he suggested we smoke synthetic marijuana. At first I said no that's okay, I don't think I want to. (I had already had a miniature bad trip earlier that year that I had kept to myself) Then he told me with all the stress I have going on, it would totally relax me. He questioned what's the harm with one little hit. I then agreed that I really use the escape I knew would come. I took just one hit, what could possibly happen with just one little hit. . .

Suddenly everything is going in slow motion. There is a movie on the TV and it keeps going through the same scene over and over again. Everything seems really far away and is also going extreme super slow mode. I decide I need to go to the kitchen for a glass of juice. All the sudden my body feels really funny like something is wrong. I try to relax and think I just need a drink of juice. I stand up, walk to the kitchen and that's the last thought I remember before. . .

I am in this place where everything is floating around myself included. There is this voice talking to me, everything feels fuzzy and weird. The voice is trying to convince me the thought of life is funny. Everything she is saying begins making so much since. All the sudden my daily pains, all my hurts, the self negative talk, my feelings, my friends and family can all go away and then it will all be okay. Just make it funny instead of painful she says. It became comical to me at that time the sense of this silly thing called life, it's not important. It just this silly tangible thing and it's floating away. Then this voice tells me its okay to let go of my best friend. I say my good byes and she vanishes. My husband and daughter's were next. I say my good byes and they all vanished too. It is all so funny. Then I see this cloud there are golden lights coming through the middle. Your right it's so beautiful and safe I tell the voice. I let myself fall back towards it. We are still floating with amazing looking mystical thing I think the voice called it life. Then the voice says the person this belongs to has no idea. It is just floating away this silly floating life. It is just floating away... Well that's your life. This is just so funny right? I agree that's really funny.

All the sudden another voice says my name really loud. Kayse, That is Your Life! I hear my name again louder this time. Kayse, that is YOUR life! WAIT! WHAT? I hear it say my name again. Kayse, is it screaming at me? Huh, who is Kayse, wait yes! Oh no, all the memories of my life start flooding back. Childhood memories, fun memories, my family, my best friend it all comes back. I frantically reach to grab it. But, I can't find it is gone!!! The floating funny thing is gone. I get all hazy again. Then I hear the really loud voice yelling my name. Kayse, I hear it say, PLEASE know that YOUR alive this is real. This is really happening. Wake up. please I am in a fight for my actual life. I need to fight my way back. YOU need to fight! So I try to reach out to where I think it should be. But I can not find myself. It's just all way to hazy. Then something finally clicks inside me. Oh no, I have to live this is me, where am I? This is not funny at all my life is about to be over. I start freaking out! All the sudden I am spinning down super fast. The only thing holding me to life is the vague feeling that my other friend physically just grabbed a hold of me. Finally I begin fighting. Something clicks again, this isn't funny, something is really wrong! This is really wrong, where am I?

I finally realize... That's me, the voice screaming my name. It's loudly screaming, Kayse do something! Fight, please oh my God do something grab him! I am trying to frantically grab at my friend. I begin screaming his name and grabbing at what should be him. But something is still so very wrong. I scream his name over and over, I scream my best friends name over and over, my middle daughter, my oldest daughter, my youngest daughter, my husband, back to my middle daughter over and over again trying to get back to my life. Trying to get back to me. Suddenly I realise I can't get back. I scream out and shout my best friend and her husbands name in rapid fire, with my own trying to make a tangible triangle. All the while thinking of every inch of my body. I am frantically trying to rejoin but it's just not there. I am not there! My body it's not anywhere. So then I think of my best friend and I start thinking of her her eyes, her face, her smile, every bit of her and I see her. I still can't find me but she is right there. I try to grab her all the while still screaming. Oh God, it's not working, why is it not working? I keep screaming those names over and over in succession. I think her life, my life! I start screaming life over and over then I think winning and start screaming that too. I can see my best friend. I can't get back, Please oh my God, I fight upwards towards her screaming and fighting this extremely fast swirling downwards. I am screaming my name, her name, life and winning over and over. I reach her. I say winning my life, really loud and then I am back...