On the Line [Run Cold Book Two]

17: After

"There were better ways."

"He ran."

"So did I, after your mother set Kasper on me..." My fingers traced a stone paw.  All the hope I'd had when I saw Nik again that night, the crushing blow that came moments later as he ended us- even today my heart ached in memory. "I never blamed you for what that man did. I never thought you and your mother were in cahoots. I thought you were in trouble, and I risked everything to rescue you. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. After everything Marcus did for me, just so I could get to you, you should have given him the same."

Nik folded his arms across his chest, squinting up at a clear sky. "But why did he run?"

"Perhaps you should be asking how," I said,  glancing over his shoulder at Einar. The man stared me down a moment, but retreated a few yards more, so that his suit was barely visible behind a row of evergreen shrubs. "How in the middle of the night would Marc have known to leave?"

His eyebrows pinched together, deep in thought. "Someone tipped him off."

"Guilty or innocent, yes, someone did. And if they were willing to tell Marc off, what else have they done? What else do they plan to do?"

"Marcus can answer that, and more. If he's connected," he paused, and it seemed to bother him to add in a reluctant, "even if he isn't, he might know who called."

The night before, when they were talking like friends over drinks, had that been all a ploy? Had Nik been playing him? "Will you apologize, for treating him like a criminal?"

"He is, until someone proves otherwise. Trish is dead, your mother is a breath away from the same fate, and we know there's more to come. If it were anything lesser..." He made a fist in his hand, sensing my reply before it came out of my mouth. With a sigh he pushed himself from the statue and positioned himself in front of me. "You want me to say what? I'm jealous? Because I am. I'm goddamn jealous. I'm not like him. He has himself figured out. Some days after my shower, I wipe the fog from the mirror all I see is a coward and a victim. And Marcus, he moved past that. He stopped being a victim a long time ago."

"He was a victim?" I asked. The scars on his back, the ones he'd never told me about- were those related?

"You don't know much about him, do you?" The thought alone had him hot under the collar. He rubbed his neck, upset as I'd ever seen him. "When we catch him, ask."

"You're one to talk, Logan," I began, hunching my shoulders. "I only just worked up the courage to tell him about Josh, and not even a few hours later, he up and leaves. Just my luck, right?"

At my confession Nik's posture softened. He hugged me, gentle, protective, proud, and in that moment it was so easy to melt into his embrace. "Marcus hasn't hurt you like I have, and he wouldn't if he can help it. I see that. I'm not denying that, but if I could change what I said to you in the shadows of the hare exhibit, I would. I think about that every day. What if I told you the truth, what if I never stonewalled you, kicked you while you were down?"

"You acted for the right reasons, Nik. That doesn't make you a coward."

He shrugged. "I ran from my heritage, from my mother,  from you, and even when you gave me the chance to right some of those wrongs, I ran from the throne. That's not the person I want to be; that's not who I want you to see me as, especially when he's around."

"That's not how I see you, whether Marc's in the same room or not." With the sun warm on my cheeks, his face was cast in cool shadow, shadows I wished I could chase away. "Do you believe me when I say Marc's innocent?"

"Can you at least try to imagine that he's not?" A pained look crossed his face. "You've grown close to him; it's starting to blind you from the truth."

Taking a deep breath, I set my hand on his wrist, preparing for what was to come. "Where are you going with this, Nik?"

"Do you remember what my hands feel like?" His fingers brushed my neck, soft, remorseful. I surrendered to his touch, remembering a time when the only thing we had to worry about was what movie to rent on Netflix. His lips followed his hand, a quiet parade of warm kisses along my ear. "Do you care?"

"Of course," I breathed, tangling my fingers in his hair. Touch was a different memory than all the rest, like remembering how to ride a bike, or taking a run for the first time after I'd torn my ACL. As soon as he kissed me I remembered why I love him so, and no matter what my brain said- my body was in control as he pulled me in close.

"These months have been an eternity for me, Allison, and every one that passes, I feel more distant from you. You were my best friend. My rock, my anchor, my home in a world I never felt at home in."

His arm snaked around my back. My hand rose to stop him, and fell useless back to my side.  "God, I wish you'd said this earlier."

"Would if have changed anything?" I kicked at the grass, unable to meet his eyes. In the next instant Nik had solved my inability, cupping my chin in his hand and bringing my lips to his. "I'm losing faith. I've been patient. But I'm starting to forgot how we were. I don't want to forget." He pressed his forehead against mine, leaned with more than the weight of his body. "What did I do, Al? What did I do that you can't get past?"

My chest constricted. "You broke up with me."

"And you came after me."

"Because your mother was a monster."

"That's not all."

"You're right," I admitted, "but you can't just expect to say my name and I'll come back as if nothing's changed. I took a bullet for you. You nearly died fighting off Kasper. We've bled enough for each other." I took his own cheek now. "It's time to heal."

Frustration heated his eyes. He threw his hands up and turned from me. "I've tried-"

"I know, Nik, I know," I said, grabbing his arms. I laid my head against his heaving back, shutting my eyes. "We don't begin again. We just...We are. We always will be."

He turned against me, blindly, swiftly, drawing my mouth onto his like we'd done a thousand times before. "How much did you love me?" he asked, and there was nothing to focus on now but the pain in his eyes.

"With all my heart," I said on a shaky breath.

"How much do you love me now?"

My eyes prickled; my cheeks started to swell. I pulled myself from his grasp, desperate to both stay and escape.  "I have to go."

He ran a hands through his hair. "This isn't fair, Al."

"It won't ever be," I said, bursting into a fast walk that took me past Einar. "C'mon," I told the guard in a cracked voice. "We don't want to be late for the prison appointment."

Einar, not one for emotions, took me by the arm and nodded at the forlorn prince. "That man's not going anywhere, if you need a few moments with this one."

"I'm fine," I lied, fumbling for my phone to call Braaten and let him know we were on the way.