begin again ;; hiddleswift

4. biggest sister

"Um..no. No way." Taylor spoke, her voice sassy as she watched her husband look online at baby clothes. He had chosen to look up Marvel themed onesies and she was not having it. Tom laughed and pouted a bit.

"Aw, c'mon! It'll look adorable! Just one!" He exclaimed and Taylor sighed quietly, but she was clearly just fine with the decision. 

"I'm not torturing our poor child with that." She teased, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Torture? Wow, that's a bit harsh don't you think?" He laughed and placed his laptop on the bedside table then took her into his arms. It had been about a month since her morning sickness had hit its peak, she was still nauseous every once in awhile but it wasn't nearly as bad. Taylor yawned a bit and hugged him close.

She started to play with the fabric of his shirt and he smiled. "Y'know.." She began, "I know we always look at Camri's room now and we think it's just an awful place. But, what if we went in there? Maybe look at some of her old things. I've been missing her a lot lately and I just want to go through some memories." She nearly whispered, nervous for his reaction. 

There wasn't a day that went by when Taylor wouldn't think about her daughter. The two had such a close relationship and after the funeral, Camri's door was shut and hardly ever opened. Once all of her clothes had made the laundry cycle and were put away neatly, the room turned cold. Taylor would walk by the door everyday, looking at the bright pink "C" that graced the front, trying so hard not to get teary eyed. It usually always failed. She was ready to go back in, though. The small family had created many memories in there as it was the little girls favorite place to be; besides her mommy's and daddy's room, that is.

Tom bit his lip at Taylor's request, his body tensed up a bit and he squeezed his wife's hand. He wanted nothing more than for her to be happy, though he was extremely nervous to go back in there. After Camri's death, he totally blocked out the presence of it. If he was asked for some dumb reason how many rooms they had in the house, he would never count that one. Not that he didn't want to acknowledge his own daughter, but it was hard. He wanted to be strong for Taylor.

"I-I think that's a good idea." He choked out as he nodded. He used his free arm to rub small circles on Taylor's stomach. She relaxed against him and nodded as well.

"Then let's go. Let's do it now." She spoke softly and looked up at him with a small smile. Slowly, she began to untangle from his embrace. He reluctantly let her go and stood up from the bed. His heart was pounding and so was hers, but she seemed to be more into it. "Babe, if you don't want to--"

"No, no." He cut her off and held her hand up. "I want to. I think it'd be nice."

Taylor nodded again and started to make her way to the room, but froze and reached out for his hand. As they approached the door with the bright pink c, it was dead silent. Of course they were both wondering why the other was so nervous, it's not like something was going to jump out at them. Taylor squeezed her husband's hand and lifted her opposite one up, then turned the knob and opened the door. She took in the once familiar sight. It hadn't been cleaned much, they wanted everything to remain the same. 

On the floor were a few books and some lost Barbie shoes. In the corner there was a Barbie's Dream House strewn with plastic furniture, dolls, and clothes. Taylor smiled at the sight and stepped in a little more. Camri's furniture was white to add a bit of classiness to her light yellow walls. Her room was pink when she was born, to go with the fact of her being a girl. But when Camri turned three she begged and begged for her room to be her most favorite color, so of course Taylor and Tom gave in.

Tom's eyes scanned the room, he stood behind Taylor and chewed on his lip. The bed was made, she had done that herself the morning of the party and she was so very proud. On top of her pillow laid her stuffed duck and a few other adorable stuffed animals. In the corner opposite of the Barbie house was a book corner, there was a white bean bag and books all around it. None were really on the bookshelf, she had a bad habit of that.

The drawers were nice and neat though, all shut perfectly. Atop her dresser was a few nic-nacks here and there. She had a duck figurine, some fake jewelry, a music box. Taylor looked at that and smiled, the young girl could never reach that high so the surface was always nice and neat. 

"Baby girl?" Tom asked quietly. Taylor snapped her head up to look at him, almost expecting to see Camri run around the corner as he always called her that. She bit her lip, humming a bit. "Do you remember this?" He asked as he held up an embroidered jacket that was previously hanging on the white coat rack. Taylor cracked a wide smile and laughed, taking the jacket into her hands. It had the name of one of Taylor's most recent tours sewn into it. There were only two jackets like that, one for Taylor and one for Camri.

"How could I forgot? I can still hear her saying 'I want to look just like you mummy!' I swear, she wouldn't stop until I gave her one!" She laughed again, causing him to laugh as well. "She begged and begged for it every time I wore mine. I'd never seen her so happy when she opened her own."

He nodded and took the jacket back, laying it in it's proper place. "She never took it off, either. I remember having to pry it off of her after she fell asleep so wouldn't burn up." 

Taylor fondly rolled her eyes at the happy memory and stepped further into the room, she turned around to look at the walls. Her hand fell to her stomach and she smiled more, "She really loved to draw, didn't she? I never noticed just how many pictures she had on here." She said, referring to the closet doors plastered in Camri's Creations, something she made sure that her mommy would write on every single picture she ever drew.

"Oh, for sure. I have an entire box full of those at the top of the closet. They're my absolute favorite. I even have some downstairs in my office still." Tom stood behind his wife now, admiring the wall of poorly but cutely drawn pictures. They were mostly of the small family. Taylor gazed at all of them, but her eyes were drawn to one in particular.

"Mummy, how do you like this picture?" Camri asked in her small voice. Taylor looked up from where she was sitting on the couch and smiled at the new picture her daughter had drawn.

"I think it's beautiful!" She answered, moving to the floor to sit next to her. Camri smiled proudly and widened her eyes, sticking out her tongue a bit. That seemed to be the face she always made when she was super happy or proud. Taylor absolutely loved it. Camri laid the picture on the floor and pulled out another clean piece of paper so she could start a new masterpiece. As per usual, Taylor took the paper and began to write Camri's Creation in the corner. But, she stopped short when she realized something odd. "Baby love, why is mummy's belly so big?" She asked.

Then young girl looked up quickly, her blonde curls bouncing a bit. "OH!" She exclaimed and sat up on her knees, "That's because mummy is having a baby!" She said. Taylor looked at her entirely confused.

"Mummy's not having a baby, sweet girl." She placed the paper down and looked at her, then reached her hand out and gently stroked her arm. 

"Not right now." Camri replied. "But one day mummy's gonna have another one and I'm going to be the biggest sister." She smiled proudly. 

Taylor was quickly snapped out of her thoughts as she felt a slight kiss on the side of her head, "Which one are you looking at?" Tom whispered. She looked up at him, then pointed to the exact picture. He smiled and nodded, placing his chin on Taylor's shoulder. "She would have been the best biggest sister." He laughed softly and snaked his hands around her to rest on her barely there bump. 

Instead of getting upset and teary like she normally would, Taylor just smiled more and nodded. She leaned back against her husband and took in a deep breath, "Can't wait to tell this little munchkin about his or her biggest sister." She whispered.

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[A/N: sorry for not updating for awhile. I've not been in the mood to write for some odd reason, but I'm here now. thank you so much for the feedback, i really appreciate it! i'm trying to incorporate flashback's in most of the chapters because i think it's cute, but let me know how you feel about them!]