more than this // lrh

//17//

//trigger warning//

My depression is worse than ever. Ever since my dad died all I ever do is sit in my room crying or sleeping. I went back to my old ways, cutting myself until the pain in my chest goes away. Luke brought a milkshake yesterday I couldn't drink it because I felt that if I did I'd throw up. I was t eating properly either. I'm so fucking sad and in pain and I've been having suidical thoughts, I want my dad back and that's never going to happen. My mom is a mess, she's bitter all the time now. She snaps at me for the smallest things and of course I'm an emotional bitch so I start crying. Luke hadn't been over in 3 days. I think he's trying to give me my space so I can try and cope on my own but that is honestly the worst thing ever. I need him. Today I made pizza and I actually ate it without having the feeling I'd throw up. I'm glad I'm starting to eat normally again after almost a month. I'm going to text luke and ask him to come over. 

To luke: hey can you come over )-:

From luke: I'll be right there <3

Minutes later luke came in embracing me in his arms. "Is everything okay baby" luke asked kissing me. "Everything is far from okay" my voice cracked. I rested my head against his chest trying to calm myself. "Talk to me, cmon" luke said taking my hand going to my bedroom to have more privacy. He closed the door sitting my bed pulling me to his lap, resting my head on his chest. "So you know how you didn't come over for 3 days" I asked softly. Luke nodded. I lifted up my sleeve as tears rolled down my cheeks. I showed luke all my cuts, some more fresh than others. "I thought you stopped baby" luke said running his thumb over the fresh wounds. "I thought I did too, but it got too much" my voice cracked as more tears leaked from my raw eyes. "Please don't hurt yourself, I can't loose you" lukes voice started to crack. "I'm sorry" he chuckled trying to stop his tears. "I just so scared that I'm going to loose you" he wiped away his tears moving closer to wipe away yours. "I'll never leave you, especially like that, I love you so much baby" "I love too" luke kissed me.