Seeking Haven // s.m.

Seven

Okay. So when he said not ideal he really meant that there was no way in heaven or hell that I was expecting an old worn out notebook as my birthday present.

"Uh, what is it?" I ask, sliding down in the seat next to him without removing my eyes from the book.

"Her diary," he says plainly, like it was no big deal. "Haven's. I thought you might want to read it."

"Um, why would I want to read it?"

Is this some kind of joke? A taunting? Haven never did anything but get herself into wild shit, and now he wants me to read about it? To prove once and for all that she really was the better out of the two of us, by making me read about all of her exciting adventures?

"So you can know her," Shawn replies, turning to face the bar and taking a sip of a small, clear beverage placed in front of him. I waited for him to go on, but he left it there.

"I did know her," I finally say, and it came out sounding rather insulted.

"No," he shakes his head. "She was different than you thought. But don't feel like the odd man out, Wren. I didn't know her like that either. She played everyone, both of us. Read it, you'll see what I mean."

I cast my gaze down to the small book in my hands, an elastic string holding it shut tight. She doodled some windy designs with an ink pen in the bottom right hand corner, and right away I recognized them.

She had drawn the same designs on the whiteboard hung up beside her bedroom door, and her walls were, in fact, the same shade of purple as the book. The whole thing said Haven.

That ping in my gut soon turned to one of longing, and I missed her again. I could picture her sprawled out on her black-and-white duvet writing in it, her cheeky grin a result of all the memories she had made the night before, the entire world she had built that seemed so distant from me, like I could never be apart of it.

"Seriously, Wren," Shawn suddenly speaks up, turning to face me again and taking anther sip of his drink. "You'll want to read it."

The truth is, I wasn't sure if I could argue with him anymore. I mean, even if she probably wanted to keep this thing private, out of reach from anyone who tried to get their hands on it, maybe the whole point of it was to have her loved ones check it out once she's passed. And there was a part of me that wouldn't mind giving it a peak either, just to see if she mentioned me or something.

So, I give him a small, reassuring nod, and stick the book in the pocket of my waist-tied apron, which barely fit, but it'll do until it's time for me to leave.

"Did you read it?" I ask Shawn, standing up from my seat and preparing to get back to work.

He shrugs. "Yeah, I did. Why?"

"Just curious, I don't know. To be honest, I didn't even know she kept a diary. I mean, like, I think I've seen this book before, on her shelf once or twice. But I never saw it being used."

"I saw her writing in it only once," Shawn closes his eyes and nods, as if remembering the day. "I didn't see much of it after that, until, like, right before the cops came to get all of her stuff and mail it back to you and your family. I found it and hid it beneath the mattress in our room. It was none of their business, and it's not like anything in it would help them in any way. So I kept it."

"I think she would be happy to know that," I mumble.

It was quiet after that. Shawn just finishes off his drink and tilts his head towards Emma, who was working on the other end of it, as if to say thank you.

Then he looks at me and motions towards the diary. "Call me when you finish it, alright?"

I give a small nod as he rises to his feet, fixing his backpack and starting towards the door.

"I'll catch you later," he says quietly as he passes me.

I don't know what it was, but something in me felt driven to follow him, to the parking lot. I stopped as he exited the restaurant and walked down the steps and across the lot to his black Toyota Prius. I step outside the door, hoping he wouldn't see me, and watched as he placed a hand on the handle.

Then he looks up.

He stares for a moment, before raising his hand up to wave. I squint against the sunlight, and, feeling the diary in my pocket, I mouth "thank you" in his direction.

He smiles in return before climbing into his car, backing out, and disappearing down the street.

***

hope you guys are liking this story so far. im trying not to completely copy Saving Zöe and throw in my own changes, so this story will be slightly different. there's also a different ending, so stay tuned!!

feedback???

-avey