Only One Body

September 17, 2011

This is the stupidest thing I have ever done.

My mother got me this journal to write down my feelings about my “two lives”, so she says.

“Come on June! The doctor needs to know what’s going on! Because of…you know what.”

She means my two personalities.A few months ago, my parents and I were on their way to the divorce signing my dad was stupid enough to stop so he could yell his point across to my mom. He didn’t realize that we stopped in an intersection until it was too late. He didn’t make it. Apparently my mother made it, but for me….the doctor says the crash split me in half. Mentally and emotionally. It seems half of my mind is controlled by another person. She calls herself Kat.

Dr. Jessup said that it’s a extremely rare disorder and there isn’t a cure nor therapy to help it. He said it’s like multiple personality disorder, but 50 times stronger. To the point where “Kat” is able to change my opinion and actions completely. He recommended this too, so he could see if he was able to communicate to Kat. I’m not so sure. I realized she was there just a few months ago. She usually shows up when I make decisions, but lately she’s been able to control me for several days. Creepy huh?

She sees what I see. I see what she sees, but in a different light. When she controls me I remember what I saw and it sucks I can’t do anything about it.

It just happens randomly. When she takes over I feel like I’m sleeping with my eyes open. Seeing, hearing, tasting, and feeling everything she does. But it like sleeping…I can’t move.Mom says I collapse on the floor and pass out for a few minutes then I get up and I’m Kat. Or I go to sleep as me then wake up as, yup Kat!

It really freaked me out at first. I thought I was dreaming the first time. I knew I wasn’t when Kat tripped and fell. I felt the pain vibrate through my knees. I/Kat looks down and sees the abrasion. I feel her walking over to the kitchen and washing it up. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I hate it. I like it when she does my homework, I hate it when she talks to Justin. My friend/ biggest crush ever.

Me and Kat are completely different so everyone knows who I am that minute. She’s bold, sassy, funny, flirty, and super confident. Well me? If you asked my friends they would things like “weird, shy, nerdy, funny, random”. The one thing we have in common is our cleverness. She can solve situations in a blink. Well…I can solve problems in like…half a blink.

Oh god. I have to go, I’m staying at the hospital for at least 6 months for testing and research. Right now I’m at the Research and Development wing. I’m scheduled for a blood test, immunizations, all the regular stuff. Yesterday I moved into my hospital room and they said today we would start the tests. I am kinda nervous, but I’ll live through it. Gotta go Dr. Jessup called me into the office.

-June