Black Birds

The End.

It is a stormy day in the summer. The swirling skies above me. Crashing waves below. The fierce winds  whip my hair around my face as they buffet the cliffs on which I stand atop. The words scream in my ear. The lines of a song, like a voice from some unknown companion standing with me. repeating these four lines again and again.

"Speak from the cut like a rush of blood.
Paint red on the sleeves of the ones you love. 
Lay the stuck ones down and the bells will ring
Put pennies on the eyes let the dead men sing."

The words taunt me. Haunt me. They have plauged me for days as I planned. Only now do I find them comforting. The same four lines, the rest of the song never comes. I look at the turbulent skies and see lightning flash within the clouds never to hit the earth, unlike me. Dozens of blackbirds circle the cliffs around me swooping through the sky. How fitting. I take a deep breath. The four lines are gone the rest of the song remains, I want to scream. I want to scream so loud the moon hears me through the clouds. My voice deep and sullen, I begin to sing the rest of the song.

 " shiver and shake the warm air cold. I'm alone, on my own 
In every mistake I dig this hole through my skin, And bones
Its harder starting over, than never to have changed.
With blackbirds following me,I'm digging outmy grave
They close in swallowing me, The pain it comes in waves.
I'm getting back. what I gave..." I begin to slow down, I always knew this day would come. I just thought .. it would be in a few years.

"I sweat through the sheet as daylight fades

As I waste away

It traps me inside mistakes I've made

That's the price I pay."

The urge to scream only strengthens as I watch the cursed birds.I throw back my head screaming till my lungs hurt, it is useless however the wind carries it away. Not long now. I creep closer to the cliff's edge, the sea crashes against the rock face below. That water holds sharp rocks and broken glass from liquor bottle after liquor bottle I threw over the edge, I never finish them. I stole them from my uncle to feel like a rebel, to feel something.  I would take a drink or two until my constant numb got somehow numer and then I throw it, waiting for the sound of it shattering. I had hoped that it would help me prepare for tonight. I should feel fear right? I THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL SOMETHING AT LEAST. No reason to turn back, no reason to stop myself, I don't feel a god damned thing, only the pain in my heart and the static in my head. A cough sputters from on the back porch. My uncle is outside, it's now or never. ''With blackbirds  following me I

'm digging out my grave they close in swallowing me, the pain it comes in waves. I'm getting back what I gave." I am no good with words, this song that hounded me for weeks is as good as I will ever do.  One step closer, one more and I am free.

"Benjamin?" my uncle asks, I jump before he can come any closer. "NO!''

I am free..

Authors note.

This story is dedicated to the late and great Chester Bennington who died this morning. His music inspired this story and inspired me to keep working through the struggles of life and fight through a very dark few years in my life. Rest in peace, today the world lost a great artist.