Whatever This Is

To Fly

I think you might remember this. It's the paper airplane from the project we worked together on in English in the beginning of the year. I remember you telling me how we came together in the most cliché way anyone could have ever came together. I believed you because I wanted to. It wasn't cliché because the teacher didn't force us to work together. It wasn't cliché because you asked me to. It wasn't cliché because I wasn't the lonely, sad, nerdy girl. It wasn't cliché because you weren't the bad boy who effortlessly got any girl he wanted. You really tried to get inside of me. I swear. You tried. You wanted to work with me, but I wanted to work alone. So I turned you down. You tried again. Asked me during lunch, afterschool, the next day, and even managed to get my number from one of my friends and call me. Then I gave in. I didn't even know why you wanted to work with me so badly. I asked you, but you avoided the subject and went straight to planning our project. I didn't care then. But it always kept me wondering why you really wanted to work with me.
We met up at the library on a Saturday at 8am. In the fucking morning. How dare you wake me up this early to do some project on World War I warfare materials with you. But it was fine after. You bought me coffee and a donut along with a bagel and cream cheese. Then apologized about a million times. Did I really look that upset?
We decided on making a model of an airplane. Just like the ones they used to throw bombs on the soldiers in trenches.
We met up everyday of the week either afterschool, or during lunch to work on it. We decided on having a bunch of paper airplanes in the shape of a huge airplane with pretty little facts all around it. It was simple but yet detailed and educational. I guess it was one of the greatest ideas I've ever came up with. Really. Okay, fine, you came up with some of it. And I've found out something great about you, too. You've got a creative mind. Yet very simple. I guess you like hiding it when you're with your friends because I always catch you doing something stupid with them.
I remember that one time you were dared to spill some of the punch in Jared's party all over Casie's dress. I remember going to 7 different shops with Casie looking for the perfect dress and I remember kicking you in the stomach for it. It wasn't enough to make me satisfied though because that same night, I drove Casie home and we spent 2 hours trying to wash it and scrub it off. It wasn't even punch, though, like I thought it was. It was some cheap alcohol and Casie's dad spent a couple more hours lecturing us about alcohol use and how bad it was for us just cause he was able to smell it when we arrived home. That was my first impression of you. Ever. The guy who ruined a night meant for me and Casie.
At that moment, watching you get flustered while I chewed on my bagel, I realized I had never seen you as a guy who cared so much about his work. I never really cared about you because I never knew you cared about your future. At least we have that in common. And similar breakfast tastes as well. We gave in our project on time and got a 97 on it, in return. I guess I could thank you for that, but never what happened after that.

You still tried to talk to me. It got annoying after a while because I couldn't come up with any more excuses.

My mom is sick so I need to go home now.

Casie called me a few minutes ago and its an emergency so I need to go.

I need to pick up groceries.

I think I heard my friends calling me.

I need to go see Mr. L for my English paper.

Then, I had to make up some crazy excuses because the old ones were too basic. You kept asking for details and you tried to push into my life. So, I politely told you that I didn't want to be friends with you anymore.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" Your eyebrows were furrowed up together and you looked a bit worried.

"No...well, I don't know, I just think we both need to stop talking to each other. Casie feels like I'm leaving her out sometimes." I said. That last bit might have been a lie because we both knew that Casie could never feel lonely if I'm not with her. She could care less. She had other friends. But I said it anyway. It felt like the right thing to do.

"Oh...okay. So we're not even friends?"

"Maybe when I don't have such a busy schedule." I smiled and walked away. I guess I forgot that two people could still be friends amidst a busy schedule but I felt the need to leave you there alone.

I am very good at doing that, anyways.