“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
"I don't much care where –"
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go.”
Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland
Alice stood outside the building where the group met. Three cigarette butts already littered the ground at her feet and she was busy lighting up the fourth one. She felt…frazzled.
Even here she felt that she was receiving more judgment than support. The group as a whole seemed to like letting her regale them with the latest episode in the farce that was her life. Yet when she expected sympathy or support all she got was evil, evil judgment. She felt hurt.
Betrayed.
Why didn’t they understand?
“It’s not like a take a hit of crack, for Pete’s sake.” She grumbled as she ground her heel into the pavement.
“So, what? Is taking a hit of crack worse than taking shag from your ex?”
Alice flew around, her heart hammering from the fright she’d gotten. Mr. Liverpool stood behind her, his swarthy face contorted in a scowl.
“I get the feelin’ luv, that you think your addiction is not as bad as anyone else’s here.” He watched her for a second as she tried to gasp out a halfhearted denial, and then sighed. He pulled the Marlboro than hung limply from her fingers out of her grasp and shook his head.
“Did you give any thought to what I asked you last time?”
Alice shook her head, and then changed her mind. “Yes, I did. I sat in the kitchen with the girls and I knew…I am scared of trying something new…so I Just revert to him to fill my…needs”
“Seriously? Ah hell, honey, if it’s only for the sex, I can help you out there. Shit, half the guys in that support group would willingly help you fill your needs.” He smiled at her stunned face. “It’s a weak excuse. Think about it some more.”
With that he walked away, shooting the cigarette away in disgust.
Alice’s mind churned. She’d never had sex with anyone other than Jack. What a novel idea.
Suddenly all she could think of was undressing Mr. Liverpool. The thought was strangely appealing. Mr Liverpool…Dan was not unattractive. Perhaps a little on the thin side – jack was stocky and muscular – he was a police man and trained regularly with the rest of their unit. Dan was lanky, tall and so different.
Perhaps, she surmised, it would be a good thing. She wondered how one would suggest such a liaison to a man, without sounding loose and slutty, she was just addicted to her ex.
“Hey, Dan, I was thinking, I’m in the mood for a quickie – want to join me?” she practiced in front of the bathroom mirror. It sounded terrible. She heard the doorbell and deep in thought she wandered down stairs to open the door, still thinking of how to proposition Mr. Liverpool > She opened the door and stared at Jack.
Before he could even say a word, she lifted a hand. “I’m sorry. You can’t come in. I‘m fantasizing about someone else tonight.
