The Story Of A Mind

o n e

Fat.

One word can cause so much unknown destruction. I was little. Didn't care what my brothers had called me. I thought they were just playing around.

Then you grow up. I'm not the little girl anymore. Start to realize I am chubby in a few places. But I still eat though. Then I grew up even more. Discovered my body. Discovered boys. Puberty hit.

Fat. It plagued my mind here and there. Im not that fat just a couple pounds overweight, right? No. Not to mind that constantly taunts fat. In my mind being fat is not pretty.

I still eat though. Try to workout. I get too tired. I try to convince myself I'm just "thick". But still I look in the mirror and my mind points my eyes to every flaw.

Pretty.

Is what I'm not. Boys don't look at me the way they look at other girls. In my mind I try to convince myself again, maybe I'm just looking into this wrong. Maybe boys are looking at me, but I just don't notice. But the voice in the back of my head says, "This is not the books you read." They're not looking at me.

I can't try and dress up. If I do, I see another girl who is prettier than me, and reality hits me saying, your not her. The boost of confidence wiped from me. I stay in the shadows of my mind. I stay in my room wondering what it would be like to go outside. Carefree and confident.