In my personal, often heavily criticized opinion, we all have exactly one soul mate. Although we may fall in love many times over, there is exactly one person we are meant to share our lives with. Sometimes we meet them too early and are too immature to realize it; sometimes we meet them in the final years of our lives, when our time is limited. I thought, and am still not entirely unconvinced, that Jeff was/is that person for me.
Jeffrey is an ex-boyfriend who I have recently reached out to in my lonely, vulnerable state. Since we broke up, I've been in two semi-serious relationships that hadn't quite matched up with the intensity of what I had with Jeff. Unfortunately, everyone in my life who I hold most dear to my heart seemed to be entirely against this idea.
"Don't hate me, love, but in my humble opinion, he is beneath you. You are just afraid to be single"- my long distance best friend.
"You need time for yourself, Jessie, you're not thinking clearly right now"- my short distance best friend
"Girl, you're way out of his league. Just date around with me, we'll be single and fabulous together. You've never explored your options, you never know who will sweep you off your feet!"- My roommate, Liz
In his or her own way, everyone hinted at the idea that I am scared to be alone. I thought about this for a while, and decided it made sense. I had never fully taken advantage of being young, single, and carefree. I watched my roommate Liz go on dates with 32 year old art collectors and retired professional basketball players (true story) and decided that I want in on the Chicago single life. So, when Jeff gave me an ultimatum of getting back together or not talking at all, I chose the latter. Although many tears and sleepless nights went into this decision, ultimately, I realized that it might be best for me at this point in my life.
I promised myself to focus on things that mattered the most to me in my life right now: Finishing my undergraduate degree, finding out what I'm doing next year (Graduate school? Job?? Gap Year???), backpacking in Europe this coming summer (Eat Pray Love cliché, don't judge), and maybe going on a couple of crazy dates in the midst of it all.
I figure if Jeff and I are truly meant to be, things will work out in the end, when we are older and more mature. In the meantime, we aren't talking. I'm still deciding if this adventure is truly selfish or truly necessary. Maybe it is a little of both. I hope to find some kind of truth about life and love in these next few years. To keep things interesting, I will not only report on my own love life, but of my roommates' as well (with their permission, of course, I am not a total bitch). They are often times more scandalous than my own, and I believe that we can all learn something from exchanging experiences.
