Traditional courtship in the Philippines is described as a "far more subdued and indirect" approach compared toWestern or Westernized cultures. It involves "phases" or "stages" inherent to Philippine society and culture. Evident in courtship in the Philippines is the practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving.This respect extends to the Filipino woman’s family members. The proper rules and standards in traditional Filipino courtship are set by Philippine society.[4]
Often, a Filipino male suitor expresses his interest to a woman in a discreet and friendly manner in order to avoid being perceived as very "presumptuous or aggressive" or arrogant.[2] Culturally, another gentlemanly way of seeking the attention of a woman is not to be done by the admirer by approaching her in the street to casually ask for her address or telephone number.[4] Although having a series of friendly dates is the normal starting point in the Filipino way of courting, this may also begin through the process of "teasing", a process of "pairing off" a potential teenage or adult couple.
The teasing is done by peers or friends of the couple being matched. The teasing practice assists in discerning the actual feelings of the male and the female involved. Traditionally, a Filipino woman is "shy and secretive" about her feelings for a suitor. On the other hand, the Filipino man fears rejection by a woman and would like to avoid losing face and embarrassment. This teasing phase actually helps in circumventing such an embarrassing predicament because formal courtship has not yet officially started. Furthermore, this "testing phase" also helps a man who could be "torpe", a Filipino term for a suitor who is shy, "stupid", and feels cowardly, and is innocent and naïve in how to court a woman.
However, this type of admirer could overcome his shyness and naivety by asking for the help of a "human bridge", typically a mutual friend of both the suitor and the admired, or a close friend of both families. The "human bridge" acts as the suitor's communicator. Through this "human-bridge", the bachelor can also ask permission to visit the woman at home from the bachelorette's father. As a norm, the couple will not be left alone with each other during this first home visit, because formal introductions to family members are done, which may be performed by th During this preliminary evaluation period, the Filipino woman will either deny her feelings (or the absence of feelings for the suitor) and avoids her admirer, or does not become angry because of the teasing and encourages the suitor instead. The suitor stops the courtship if he is quite sure that the woman does not reciprocate.
But once the female encourages the suitor to continue, the "teasing stage" comes to a close and a "serious stage" of Philippine courtship begins. It is within this stage where the couple engages in a series of group dates, chaperoned dates, or private dates.[1] The couple later on decides to come out into the open and reveals the status of their relationship to family members, relatives, and friends. The serious suitor or boyfriend visits the family of the woman he admires/courts or girlfriend in order to formally introduce himself, particularly to the lady's parents. Bringing gifts or pasalubong (which may include flowers, with cards, or letters, and the like) is also typical.
Courting a woman in the Philippines is described as a courtship that also includes courting the woman's family. The actual boyfriend-girlfriend relationship may also result from such formal visits. In the past, particularly in a rural courtship setting, a Filipino man, accompanied by friends, would engage in serenading the woman he adores at night. This serenading practice was an influence adopted by the Filipinos from the Spaniards.
During the courtship process, a traditional Filipina is expected to play "hard to get", to act as if not interested, to be not flirty, and show utmost restraint, modesty, shyness, good upbringing, be well-mannered, demure, and reserved despite having great feelings for her admirer; a behavior culturally considered appropriate while being courted. This behavior serves as a tool in measuring the admirer's sincerity and seriousness. In addition to the woman's culturally appropriate behavior, she is not supposed to have dates with several admirers simultaneously. Dating couples are expected to be conservative and not perform public displays of affection for each other. Traditionally, some courtship may last a number of years before the Filipino woman accepts her suitor as a boyfriend.
Conservativeness, together with repressing emotions and affection, was inherited by the Filipino woman from the colonial period under the Spaniards, a characteristic referred to as the Maria Clarattitude.
After the girlfriend-boyfriend stage, engagement, and marriage follows. With regards to the engagement and pre-marriage stages, Filipino tradition dictates that the man and his parents perform
the pamamanhikan or pamanhika (literally, aTagalog word that means "to go up the stairs of the house" of the girlfriend and her parents; pamamanhikan is known astampa or danon to the Ilocanos, as pasaguli to the Palaweños, and as kapamalai to the Maranaos. This is where and when the man and his parent's formally ask the lady's hand and blessings from her parents in order to marry. This is when the formal introduction of the man's parents and woman's parents happens.
