The Diary

No Strings Attached

Dear diary,

I'm the 'no strings attached' kind of girl. Well, I think that I am. I could always tell when it is time to move on, or get out before things get too serious, and I never have a hard time doing it. I surprise myself most of the time actually from how little time and effort it takes me to get over things once I've decided. It's almost like I have a switch that I can turn on or off whenever I need and with whoever I want. However, there is just one person that I can't seem to know how to use my super skill with. He is annoying, shallow, controlling, and some might even think that he is a little mean. He has all the qualities that I hate the most, and yet I can never bring myself to hate him. I'm his ultimate fan. My 'no strings attached' switch never actually works on him. I convince myself a lot of  times that I've finally found a way to use my super skill on him, that I'll be okay as long as I just avoid him a little bit. It works that way actually. Out of sight, out of mind. Then, I start to forget over time that my spell never completely works on him and I stop avoiding him little by little. I start fooling myself and think that we could just be friends and that I'll be okay because I'm the 'no strings attached' girl. I start reminding myself that I'm never the one to get hurt in the end because I never let things get too far, because I always know when to stop. I remind myself of the lies instead of reminding myself of the facts. I like to think that I'm strong and tough and I forget that I always get hurt with this person. It's amazing how little time it takes me to get completely hooked up on a person who never gets hooked up on me. Maybe the reason why I can't use my magic trick on him is because he never actually gives me the attention I need. I know that him and I could never be together, even if he wanted to. I know that I don't want to be with him and I know that I hate everything about him so I have no clue why I'm so hooked on a person that I don't even like. I'm a sucker for misery. Maybe that's the price that I have to pay for using my 'no strings attached' trick. Maybe there's like a theory or something that claims that one can't use the 'no strings' attached trick so many times and on so many people because one will have to pay the price and suffer the misery some other way. Maybe for every person that I simply cut off or suddenly seem uninterested in for no apparent reason, I get hooked on another person even more also for no apparent reason. That's the way that I have to suffer from the misery that I carelessly cause. It is like balance for misery.