A Dying Flower That Never Got A Chance To Bloom

Prelude

The world is a scary place. It's you against the world, battling the unknown and hidden demons. The demons are not physical. No, they are within everyone, even those you hold close. They are the negative thought and emotions. They sway people to hurt others. They've hurt so many people, and have killed many more.

I remember being so happy as a kid. My parents divorced, but those were the best days of my life. I didn't understand anything. They say ignorance is bliss and they weren't wrong. Those were my happy days before my life faded to black.

I can remember playing by myself, painting a picture for my grandmother that didn't really represent anything, but she said she loved it and hung it anyway, driving around in the car with my mom with the music on, and much, much more. My favorite memory was when my mom and I would take our dogs and go to the nearby field and walk the perimeter. I would pick any flowers I found along the way so that I could place a single flower on each of the graves in the graveyard in the backside of the meadow until I ran out. I would always leave smiling. My dad would take me to fairs and carnivals the town had, or we would go out to eat. We had a favorite restaurant that we loved that had talking animals that hung on the walls. This was a time when home felt like home. But even so, there were still bad things that happened, but I had a peace of mind. I was happy.

Nowadays, I struggle trying to remember what it's like to be happy. Life has continuously been attacking me, trying mercilessly to get me to give up. I've held strong for sixteen years, but I fear for the day when I can no longer struggle. I fear for when the day comes when I give into my darkest, innermost thoughts.

I envy those who have their homes together. They have a family that loves and cares for them. Their parents would do anything to keep them safe. They will never understand they pain I feel when I see a family as perfect as theirs, then look at the mess of a family I have.

My parents got divorced when I was five and my mom and I moved out soon after. I could never keep friends long since we were constantly moving. She dated many people, each one adding more misery than the last before finding the one she deemed she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. My life was literally hell on earth.

The demons only got stronger and stronger. They drowned out my thoughts and persuaded me to make risky decisions. It's okay though. Nobody knows. Nobody will know. I was just that fat, quiet kid that stuck to herself, always smiling. Nobody ever asked. I never told.

I'm just a ghost of a person you will never know.