Everything's Alright

Short Steps.

"What happened last night Mark.." the smaller males voice trailed off as he reached across the bed, feeling nothing but the thin blue sheet and the cold pillow that seemed to torture him every day and night. He sat up in his groggy state, blue hues glistened in the sunlight, the tears that were welling up inside of him were starting to show, glazing over his eyes. His bottom lip began to tremble before he put his palms over his eyes, pressing down slightly as the tears began to fall. His body shook with each sob that ran through his body. He needed Mark to be there, right beside him again. He had no idea what had happened the night before, it was like his mind slipped out and failed to remember an important part of why Mark wasn't here. He laid back, small hiccups escaping his lips as he ran his hand through his hair.

Through blurred vision he glanced over to his phone before grabbing it, unlocking it and looking at the familiar notification of a message- but it wasn't Mark. Marks contact was gone, or his messages were just deleted from his phone. "Mark, please i need you, im breaking," the irishmans voice shook as he breathed out a long sigh with his words, almost as he was struggling for air.

What if Mark left this morning yo go get coffee? Was this a breakup? His side of the bed has been empty for a while now. Did he leave forever now? Please don't tell me he left.

Is this just a dream? The thoughts ran through his head at supersonic speed, his emotions leaving him to believe the worst, that Mark truly was gone. That he was never coming back to help save him from himself. Sean unlocked his phone and typed in the familiar number, listening to the dial tone, then the ringing. He chewed on the inside of his lip with anticipation, his words lost behind the lump that formed in his throat. Someone picked up. "Please. Don't leave me..." he choked out, his voice high as he closed his eyes. Tears fell down his cheeks, like little people making their own tracks on his cheeks.

He pulled the blanket close to him as he listened to the silence coming from the other end of the line. White noise was torturous to him especially if that was from his lovers end of the line. A loud drawn out sigh eventually protruded through the silence and he flinched slightly. "Mark.. i am so sorry.. i didn't mean to hurt you if i did... i.. i-" his voice was cut off by Marks voice snapping his attention back to reality.

"Sean... i cant handle the way you think about yourself anymore.. what you said hurt not only you, but me too. The way you degraded yourself destroyed me," he whispered quietly, Sean could hear sobs escaping the males lips from across the line. "You are so perfect, oh god i can see it more than you can... last night drew the line between you and someone who wasn't you, the things you said to me, the way the words rolled off your tongue, like you were sickened by your own mere presence. I love you, but you hate yourself for me to be able to continue this much longer."

Sean had long since dropped the phone, loud screams and heavy breathing now filling Mark's phone through the call. It was almost as if Sean wasn't breathing for a moment because everything stopped. Everything went silent, things had an unsettling calm about it all.

The calm after the storm was devastating. The calm where everything is silent, even the quiet voices within his own head.

"Sean... answer me please..." nothing, just silence. "God damnit..." Mark did want Sean. Mark loved Sean with every fiber of his being, he didn't want Sean to die. He didn't want the very being that was holding him here to leave him too. "Sean I love you. I think we need to talk about this, because i don't want to lose you," he seemed to whisper into the phone.

"Mark... please come over..." he whispered quietly to the man who seemed to break him a bit more with each word. Not intentionally he hoped, he just wanted Mark with him. He moved to LA for this specific reason, to be with Mark. They had this apartment together, who knew it would feel this empty to Sean. "I'm at Matt and Ryan's... ill be over soon.." Sean could hear Marks keys jingling in the background. "Have a safe trip over here please, ill be waiting."

Short steps to recovery in this relationship, short steps until things are better. Short steps....