CHANGES

I took an Online Career Assessment. One statement that I will never forget is this, "*Insert my name* doesn't want repetitions. She always try to seek for something new. She gets tired of task that she already knew and memorize. If she already knew every single details of it she will never enjoy to do it anymore. But once she learned how to love what she's doing and it's already been part of her, she will continue to do it all her life because there where heart is." Well, that's not the exact result appeared. I can't recall it in details since I just read it once but since I found it true I get caught of it.

Well, that's really true. These past few days I get tired of my everyday life. Everything that happens seems like a replay of yesterday. Nothing's new. No thrill. No excitement. It seems that my life is going circular just revolving around on the same orbit. Wake up. Eat. Take a bath. Go to school. Study. Work. Do assignments/projects. Talk to people. Go home. Sleep. Then repeat it all over again. I get tired on this kind of life. Aside from that heavy loads of requirements in school.

Okay. I will open up a secret. The truth behind my tired body is not all of that only. I got tired heart, too. Yes, that's true. Well, heart is still a muscle. You know, once it get tired it worse. I got tired of loving someone else. I don't know why it does happen. I was in one-sided love. I taught myself how to love without getting hurt. That's to love without expecting. Just like what 1 Corinthians 13 states about love, I do everything stated on the Book. But I still find myself tired of loving someone whom I know that will never love me back the way I love him. I'm not saying that I gave the perfect love the way 1 Corinthians define love. Somehow I do a lot of mistakes since I'm in one-sided love scenario. And one-sided love is not a healthy kind of love. Then I realized that maybe it  was just God's way of telling me that I should give myself a break for now to find myself where I do really belong. Because it was just on a one blink that I found myself so tired like that. That I can't push myself to stand up from my bed to start my day right then continue life.

I was really tired. I'm figuring out what was really happened. Maybe it was just because of were not giving time to each other as best of friends. Maybe it was because were really busy on our lives. Maybe I was wrong to spend more time to my childhood friend then snob him every time I was with my childhood friend. But I think that was not the exact reason. Do I think that he might get jealous on that kind of scenario? That's so funny and that's too impossible to happen. I'm just a friend of him and he doesn't care about me. And that was he really proved me as the day passed by. And as the day flies by, I'm carried away with the bad vibes that happening around. I forgot how to be happy. I forgot the real me. The cheerful person I used to be. The happy person who knows how to see life in a positive way in every angle. That person seems buried on the dark.  As she tries to run away as far as she could that no one could ever ran after her. That no one could ever see her. Hear her. Touch her. Or even mind her. She did everything that she taught that will give her happiness. She made herself happy. In a way that she taught that will give her real happiness but she was wrong. She cried a lot. She was lonely. No one cares. No one see her tears on her eyes. No one hugs her when she is alone. No one hear her voice when she's calling for help. But that was she thought. Because something happened that make her realized that she is not alone. That she is not neglected. That she is loved. She heard a voice within her heart that she knows that who was talking. "My child, where have you been? I miss you so much. Don't worry. I'm always here for you. Never I leave you nor forsake you." That was the loving voice of her Father. She may not hear it in person but in the deepest core of herself she feel that she is warmth by that voice and a hug from her Father.

Yes, I know that I am not alone. No matter how many miles I have run, God is there who will never leave by my side. I may be the one who always go, but He never. He never go. He never change. I changed a lot. Everything changes. But He doesn't change ever. Never. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. -Hebrews 13:8