Thank God No One Can Read My Mind

Thank God...

Thank God no one can read my mind,

I will explain in ditty;

Sadly, the thoughts that run through it

Are not always that pretty.

It might surprise them all to know

That sometimes I'm not caring;

And just because I've lots of sweets

Doesn't mean I feel like sharing.

My father always urges me

To share my toys with friends;

But I believe, in fact I'm sure,

Food's where the sharing ends!

Sometimes I just don't feel like saying

Pretty please or thank you Mother;

No one ever wonders what I might like,

I never asked for an older brother.

Big boys are very bossy,

Smelly, dense and stout;

They're always saying toe the line,

And you're out; you're out, YOU'RE OUT!

And as we speak of siblings,

Something else that makes me blister;

As bad as having a brother is,

It's much worse to have a sister.

Baby girls are simply awful,

All that sugar, spice and pink;

She might seem sweet to some people

But her nappies sure do stink!

And just as I'm on brink of sleep,

All cosy, warm and nodding;

She lets a squeak, a squawk, a ROAR,

And then my head is throbbing.

It is because of lack of sleep,

And mostly when she is sucking;

That I justify the smallest pinch

When no one else is looking.

Thank God no one can read my mind

Because if they were able;

They might not be so kind to me

And think me quite unstable.

I like to throw a tantrum,

Not for any cause but fun;

And to see my darling mother

As she breaks into a run.

Around the shopping lanes she sprints,

It's really quite a sight;

To see a grown girl pale in fear

And implore with all her might.

My bellows grow persistent,

'He's only three,' she pleads in vain;

Deep down she knows she's lost the clash,

The looks all scream distain.

My pleasure's not quite over,

There's fun to be had yet;

I want that bag of Jelly Tots,

Oh yes, my mind's quite set...

I know I'm on the homeward stretch,

My bawling has yielded snots;

My mother abandons her shopping,

But I get my Jelly Tots.

Thank God no one can read my mind,

I'm sure that if they could;

They'd say that child is evil

Or he's really just no good!

I really wouldn't blame them,

I know I can be bad;

But I'm only three, I reason now,

No need to feel so sad.

I won't be three forever,

Quite soon I will be four;

My sense is growing rapidly

And then they'll like me more.