Parallel lines

But she'll never love you

You fell in love with her.

You don't understand how it happened.

One day she's just your friend and you view her as nothing more. And the next, you realise that you can't begin to picture your forthcoming life without her weird jokes that no one finds funny, but to you they're hilarious. Without her beautiful brown locks that cascade down her back. Without listening to her bewitching voice sing to you. Without her beautiful soul that only radiates positivity. Without her selfless actions. Without the spark in her eye when she is talking about something she is passionate about. Without her hugs, her eyes, her laugh, her smile, her 3 am talks, her presence. Her.

That's when  you realise that you've fallen way too deep in love with her.

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It's been one and a half years and you're totally not subtle about your undying love for her.

All your friends know, and they never stop teasing you about her.

And their advise is not really that helpful.

It's either
There is so much of sexual tension, make out with her already!!
Or
You should get over her, she isn't worth all your love

Advice of this sort obviously comes from Dinah and Normani respectively.

You have tried and tried and tried endlessly to get over her because you know there is no way she will ever want to be with you, but you can't.

It's because of the way she shyly smiles when you compliment her. The way she dances like no ones watching. The way she laughs without a care in the world. The way she tells you that she feels safe with you. The way she seems to hug you just a tad bit tighter than her other friends. The way she makes her trademark inappropriate jokes. The way she moves her freaking body. The way she says your name. The way her chocolate brown eyes seem to swallow you when you gaze at them. It's because of the way she is.

You can't get over her because she's Camila. You can't get over her because you never ever want to. You can't get over her because you love her way too much to even try.

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You are watching a movie with her and your heart is racing because she's just so close. Your face has a permanent smile on it just because of her presence. You are gazing at her lovingly when she tells you that she might be in love with him.

Your heart physically hurts. Your chest burns and aches. It feels like you're going to burst into tears any minute now but you tell her that you're so happy for her and that Shawn is a good guy.

She just seems so happy and you feel like your heart is literally breaking into a million pieces. You've loved her for a long time, but you never really realised how much you loved her until you watched her love someone else.

It hurts to breathe because the next day she's kissing him in the hallway and flaunting their relationship. It hurts because at that moment all you can think about is how you want to be the one with her. It hurts so fucking much because you would never stand a chance. It hurts because you love her and she loves him.
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You've spent hours trying to satisfy your delusional mind and reading too much into her actions. You've spent hours replaying a days events. You've spent years holding onto hope. You've spent years loving her selflessly.

But one day you were staring up at the ceiling in your room with tears streaming down your face when you were struck with the realisation that:

You might do all you can ever imagine for her. You might give her chits and letters professing your love, that she throws away the next day. You might be ready to leave anything if it means that you can spend time with her. You might go against everyone who loves and cares for you to defend her. You might have given your heart to her since the very moment you saw her. But at the end of the day she belongs to him. At the end of the day he has her heart. At the end of the day you're just one of her various admirers.

You might use all the words in your vocabulary to express your love for her but they will never be enough because your love is so great. You might wish to switch places with her when she gets hurt. You might do all you possibly can, for her, because of her. But she will never love you.

She might laugh at your jokes. She may look like she enjoys your company more than others' . She may make comments that leave your heart dwindling in confusion and adoration. She may cling to you like there's no tomorrow. She may even say that she loves you. But she will never love you.

There's no chance that she'll ever even want to be with you . You are just a helpless lover. He is everything you aren't. He is smart, confident, and most importantly he is hers. He is her knight in shining armour and you're just a bystander. And throughout it all you will remain hopelessly in love with her.

But the irony of the situation is: you might cry yourself to sleep more times than you can count. Your heart may clench all the time because of the insurmountable hurt you feel when you see her with him. You may torture yourself mercilessly by listening to her love sick ramblings about Shawn. You may try extremely hard to get over her but fall right back into habit each time. You may do all these things in a never ending cycle of apparent masochism. But despite all of this, you will continue loving her. You will continue loving her because it has been so ingrained in your entire being that you can't stop. Because even if this unrequited mess hurts like a bitch, it has been a part of you for so long that you fall right back into her arms when she is anywhere near you. You will love her like there's no tomorrow, even if she's unaware of it. You might kill a little part of yourself everyday but you will continue loving her because she's Camila. You'll continue loving her because she is all you've ever known. You'll continue loving her more than you've ever loved yourself. You'll continue loving her till the end of time.

But she'll never love you.