Resurrection. The Underwood and Flinch Chronicles: Volume One.

Chapter One

‘English,’ said Steve. ‘He gets all these young girls over here wanting to learn English, and he takes them home for some extra-curricular lessons, don’t you Smithy?’

‘Oh that is so not true,’ said David. ‘You’re making me out to be some Casanova type, which is just bollocks. I’m a thirty-five year old man living in a rented one-bedroom flat; I ride a bicycle and I teach English, part-time. I’m not exactly what you’d consider a catch, am I?’

‘Not me, no. I think you’re a minger. But them foreign birds, they must go for bike-riding mingers coz you always seem to have one on the go, duncha?’

‘Bollocks do I.’

‘Are there any jobs going there then?’ asked Peter. ‘I’ve got a bike.’

‘Yeah,’ said Steve. ‘And I speak English.’

‘And you’re a minger an’ all,’ said Carol. ‘If you borrowed Peter’s bike, you’d be well in.’

‘Thank you, Carol,’ said Steve with a sarcastic smile.

 ‘Yeah, why not?’ said David. ‘I’m sure they’d be all over you like bees round a honey pot, Steve.’

‘Bloody right mate, I am a honey pot.’

‘Chamber pot, more like,’ said Carol.

This got a laugh from everyone but Steve.

‘All right, all right, settle down,’ said Mary. ‘Well, if you’ve really nothing to say, David, let’s move on to Peter.’

Peter sighed and sat on his hands. ‘Hello everyone, my name is Peter and I’m an alcoholic.’

‘Hi Peter,’ everyone replied.

Steve made a clandestine “wanker” hand gesture at David. David poked his tongue twice into his cheek in response. Then they both settled back to listen to Peter, whose anecdotal updates on his wife’s snoring were always highly entertaining.

An hour later, as they were stacking away their chairs, Steve spoke again to David. ‘So, seriously mate. You all right about this bird leaving, are you?’

‘Yeah. Like I said, it’s not a big deal.’

‘But I thought you really liked her.’

‘I do.’

‘So, you must be feeling a bit pissed off then, surely?’

David pushed the stack of plastic chairs against the wall and shrugged. ‘What can I do? That’s life, mate.’

‘Well, you could ask her to stay?’

‘She can’t stay. She’s got a family and a job and all the rest of it.’

‘So? Have you asked her?’

‘What?’

‘If she’d stay?’

‘We’ve talked about it. She says I can go over there and – you know – teach English, but,’ he made a face. ‘I don’t really fancy it.’

‘Don’t fancy what?’

‘Germany.’

‘Well that’s all right, you ain’t gonna be shagging Germany are you? I mean, it’s her what you fancy, innit?’

David smiled. ‘Are you trying to get rid of me, Steve?’

‘No, I just don’t want to see you chucking a good thing away. She’s a lovely girl that one. You’ll kick yourself if you let her go.’