Delilah

Chapter 2

I bathed mother's brow, trying to soothe the heat that was her constant companion. Mama was dying. I knew this without being told. Although she had been bedridden for years, I knew something had changed. Her breathing seemed to rattle, like a poisonous snake poised to strike. Her eyes were bright. Her skin hung on her bony, wasted frame.

Her compulsive racking cough, forced me to stop wiping her brow. I eased my arm beneath her shoulders and raised her up, hoping to ease her torment. With my other hand, I placed a cloth over her mouth. When the cough subsided and I took the cloth away, it was filled with blood.
In a faltering voice, Mama whispered, "I don't have much time left, Delilah. Bathe me and dress me in my finest garment so that it won't have to be done after I'm gone. I don't want others to have to touch me."

Seeing the tears sliding down my face, she reached up to wipe them away. When she touched my face, I jerked away. Misinterpreting my action, she said, "I know you don't want to believe me, Delilah, but rejecting my touch won't change the fact that I'm dying."

Wiping my tears on my sleeve, I leaned down and hugged mother. "I'm not rejecting your touch, Mama. I just was surprised to find that I was crying. I did not want to add to your sorrow." The real reason for the instinctive withdrawal, my father's unwanted caresses, was knowledge my mother would never know.

I carefully removed Mama's tunic. Her translucent skin looked like it would tear when  I touched it, but I gently washed her anyway. I even used the cloth to try to wash her tangled and disheveled hair. I could not dress her where she lay and so I helped her to struggle into a sitting position. I carefully eased her only silk dress onto her thin shoulders. She had lost so much weight, it swallowed her. As I eased her back onto the bed, she smiled at me.

"You're such a good girl, Delilah," she said. "This illness has been hard on your Papa. It has driven him to drink, but he's a good man. If he chooses to take another wife, do not fight him. He deserves some happiness. Take care of him until his time of mourning is over." With those words she closed her eyes, took a long ragged breath and then lay still.

"Mama," I said into the sudden quite. I reached down and touched her face. "Mama," I said, much louder this time.

I leaned down close to her face to feel her breathe. I felt a faint wisp of air. She was alive still, but barely. My mind whirled in confusion. I felt sadness, but I also felt relief. Her sudden descent into unconsciousness had saved me from making an impossible promise. I could not have promised to take care of the father I had come to despise. I reasoned that I would have to take care of him as his daughter, but to promise Mama would have implied caring for him in a loving manner. I would never love my father again. Of this I was certain. The only emotion I felt for him was hatred.

Mama's tremulous voice brought me to her side late that night. I had not expected to ever hear her voice again. She had remained in a deep sleep all day, unknowing but breathing. Unsure of what to expect, I  picked up the tiny oil lamp that I kept lit in case she needed me.  It put out very little light, but it was enough to guide me through the dark to her bedside. It was sufficient to illuminate the basin and cloth kept nearby to ease the fever.

"Delilah," she said with a sigh. "I have tried to stay so I could teach you the things a girl needs to know. I know I haven't been much of a mother, but I have held tight to life for you. It is no use, child. I am so tried. I cannot hold on any longer. I have failed you, but it is not because I do not love you. When things seem hard, just remember your mother. Remember she loved you and perhaps you will have the strength to hang on."

It seemed she had forgotten her request earlier in the day.  With a sigh of relief, I replied truthfully, "You have not failed me mother. You have shown me what it means to persevere. I know that you love me and that love will sustain me no matter what comes."