I hear the walkie talkies going crazy. Code 7 Adolescent girls unit, Code 3 Child girls, Nurse needed in the cafe. There's screaming in the hallway. Some girl is in a hold while a woman in scrubs shoves a needle into her arm. The wall I'm sitting against is vibrating from the bangs that are going on next door. I peek out from behind my hands and this girl who is supposedly my room mate is reading a book on the rubber pad they call our bed. How can she be so calm? Is all of this normal? or has she just tuned it out by now. I can't be here. This can not be happening. I swallow back the lump in my throat warning me tears are coming. This is just my first day, get ahold of yourself. don't show weakness.
What happened? How did I let myself get to this point? How did i let myself get put in the "crazy" hospital with all of these kids who are really crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy.
I guess you could say it started about 6 months ago, but really the pain started when my sperm donor got put in jail. But that's not why I'm in this place with plexi glass over the windows and locks on every door. I'm here because I fell apart. I let go of whatever grasp I had on my life. I became the girl I swore I'd never be.
His name was Andrew. He was perfect. So out of my league. I met him when i got my first job working at Mcdonalds. One day I was on break taking care of the habit i picked up from living with the people that made my life hell, when he walked up asking if i had an extra cigarette. That's when it started, we exchanged numbers "in case we wanted someone to walk to work with," and before I knew it I was falling hard. We texted and flirted at work. We walked home together and sometimes we would sit in the field behind the houses just to talk for hours before my parents called me wondering where I was.
I couldn't tell anyone. He was 4 years older than me, and what are the odds that he actually felt the same? But boy did i like him. He was tall, He wore glasses but I've never met someone who looked so sexy doing so. Perfect skin, nice lips, he was just so attractive and seemingly perfect. I couldn't let it go. We met around october, but didn't confess to eachother our attraction until around december. We grew so close in those 2 months, unbelievably. But I never would talk to him about anything happening at home. We had fun walking around and flirting at work. That's all it was, innocent fun.
Around christmas time I got invited to a military ball with one of my older brothers friends. His name was Oscar. I went and had a good time, and by the end of the night I caught myself actually liking this kid. He was only 17, so it would have been just fine. He kissed me during the final song of the night and for once in the past 2 months Andrew didn't even cross my mind. But when the fun was over with I had to get back to the real world. I liked Oscar, but I also liked Andrew.
A few nights later Andrew came over after my parents went to bed. We sat outback and smoked until I had to get it off of my chest.
"Oscar kissed me." I finally admitted as i got up off the bench and started pacing. He didn't say anything, and finally after breaking my gaze with the concrete under neath me i looked up and met his eyes. His dissapointed, hurt eyes. "Please, say something."
"I just..I can't believe you would do this to me." he finally said after keeping the silence for another moment. Um excuse me? I just found out he liked me, Andrew hasn't tried kissing me, or even asking me out. How can he say that?
After he left that night i didn't hear from him for a couple days. Until finally I saw him at work a few days after christmas. He acted as if it never even happened, and was asking if I could go on an actual date with him that night. He wanted to take me bowling. Oh you wouldn't believe how happy I was. I had butterflies and everything, as soon as I got home I hopped in the shower and started picking out my outfit for the evening ahead. Little did I know, That was going to be the first night of a long hard relationship.
Before any of this happened I wasn't one for smoking weed often. Yeah once in a while when I was with my bestfriend, but not every night. I caught myself smoking weed everytime i hung out with Andrew, and I even started when we were apart. I guess it numbed the pain I was feeling, it gave me a couple hours to not think about where my life was going. It made me happy, even just temporarily.
But lets get back to the night all of this started. He picked me up and we went to the bowling ally on the naval base. We had fun, he kicked my ass in bowling and we even had a little mnoney left over to play a game of pool. As he was driving home he was really quiet. Until finally, he asked the question I had been longing to hear for a little more than 3 months now.
It was snowing outside so as he was quietly driving all i could hear was the sound of the windshield wipers gliding across the windshield. Then finally the silence was broken. "So, Alex, I've been wondering, and I know you thought I'd never ask, but would you like to make us official?" Oh. My. God. My heart was literally punding out of my chest. I wanted to shriek with excitement, But just forced a subtle smile and said "yes." It was barely a whisper, but it was loud enough for him to reach over and grab my hand. It was a perfect night, and the first time he kissed me. I was in a peaceful happy bliss.
Until reality hit. My parents hated him, they always told me how he was only after one thing. Psh what do they know? They don't know our relationship. Yeah, well apparently niether did I.
Things were great for the first week or two, then he started in with the controlling. It started out with him wanting my Facebook password. I thought nothing of it, he cares who I talk to. Then he started going through my phone. Still, I thought it was normal. I didn't realize how un normal our relationship was until about 3 or 4 weeks into our relationship.
Everyone at my house was home, and Andrew was planning to meet me at the park, until my bestfriend who lived next door suprised me with a visit telling me she had to talk to me right away. Well I had to make something up because Andrew didn't like Olivia, and he would be pissed if I cancelled on him to talk to her. So i texted him sayin 'Hey sorry I can't make it, my mom is making me go out with her, can we meet tomorrow? (:' I t was perfect. My mom hates him, so I knew he wouldn't investigate.
Yeah, right. He didn't text back right away, until finally about an hour later he replied with 'Have fun with Olivia'. My heart dropped into my stomach. How did he know I was with her? How did he know I lied to him? what the hell is going on? And that's when I started getting suspicious.
