I can't move. I don't have the energy or need, although I want to do so. I want to so I can get this out of my mind. However, when I finally am able to move... seemingly a flood of angry thoughts and violent feelings flood into my mind like a terrible dream. Making my world appear more fake and insecure than it already was. All I have is a small sense of reason, but the rest that disappeared has lead me to just wanting to smash and kick things. What is this that I feel? I still don't know. I get sick to my stomach when I think of them. How I hurt them. The fact that I was stupid from the start. "This will be different," I thought. No. Definitely wrong of me to think that. People don't change that fast. When you're broken you cannot change quickly. But how many more people will I hurt just because I want to fix myself? When will this terrible dream end? I've never felt such anger, sadness, happiness, and fear all at one time. The feeling is overwhelming. No words can describe this... So... When will this stop? I can't take it... I just can't take it anymore...
So for now, I'll run outside till I can't run anymore. I'll work myself until I can think straight. I'll rest only if my legs and body won't move.
Because... Why is it someone like me breaks everyone I see?
