Candy Assassination Corporation

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CANDY ASSASSINATION CORPORATION!! DO YOU HAVE A CANDY COMPANY THAT YOU HATE WITH EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING? ONE THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WHEN YOU SEE CHILDREN EATING IT? ONE THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO SLICE OPEN YOUR STOMACH AND PULL OUT YOUR INTESTINES WITH A FORK? WELL HAVE I GOT A CORPORATION FOR YOU! Candy Assassination Corp. has the latest technology when it comes to murder! We have everything from a simple knife to the chest or to your more extreme, "let's hunt down their whole family!" We have a large amount of highly trained assassins in the art of killing managers of candy companies. Our most popular assassins are Jessie, Paul, and Samuel! Who have a combined total of 300 kills! Don't waste your money on legal papers that probably won't get you much if you sue! Paper is EXPENSIVE! Try out Candy Assassination Corp. for the low low price of absolutely nothing for free for thirty days! We will even throw in an extra bonus package called, "CANDY DEFENESTRATION ASSOCIATION!! Throw those dreaded thoughts of murdering people out the window! LITERALLY!"

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