Confessions of Your Friendly Neighborhood Lifeguard

Chapter Twenty One

 "Rae, please. Is this about Lance?" Patrick asked. "Is this about Josie?" I cried, as Patrick stroked my back. He kissed the top of my head lightly, which slowly began to soothe my tears. A warm feeling started to come over me before it almost instantly vanished again. I sat up and stared ahead, my eyes puffy and red. I took a deep breath to prepare myself for what I was going to say. After I said it, there would be no going back. If the rest of my day hadn't killed me, than this certainly would. 

"I'm leaving, Patrick," I said monotonely. 

"What-, what do you mean? Where are you going?" Patrick asked, his voice searching for answers.

"I'm going back to Oregon. We're over."

"Rae, what are you talking about?" Patrick asked, his voice now quivering, his eyes threatening to let loose tears. 

"I'm moving, I'm going to live with my dad," I said angrily. I needed to be strong, because if I broke now..

"Why? What happened?" he questioend."Why are you-"

"I just have to go, okay?" I snapped. "This town has brought nothing but pain for me."

"Rae, you don't mean that," Patrick whispered softly. I finally got up the nerve to look at him, and I instantly regretted it. Patrick's eyes were bright red and glistening as he stared at me, looking almost sick. All the happy memories I had with him, on the beach, at the Bridge and even the bad ones of our fights flashed in to my mind. This look of heartbreak on his face was foreign to me and it made my heart drop in to my stomach.

"Yes, Patrick, I do," I said, driving the stake deeper. If I was to leave this place with no strings attached, I needed to cut them entirely. End it now.

"Rae," Patrick said, pulling my hands to his chest. "I love you. Please don't leave."

My mouth opened as I took in this confession, and my heart sank. Today was the day I was going to tell Patrick I loved him and instead I was leaving him as he told me he loved me. And I wanted teo tell him nothing more than the same. But I couldn't.

"Talk to me, Rae, please. Tell me what's wrong. Let me put together your puzzle. I would listen to you to the ends of the earth if you would just let me. Everything you say makes me laugh or is so unbelievably insightful.. you make me feel like I'm walking on air. I'm not giving up on this just like that. I refuse to let this be the end." 

But it had to be. 

"I'm so sorry, Patrick," I said. "Goodbye." I stood up and walked from my room as it was clear that Patrick would not leave. I walked to the next door guest bedroom and locked the door, sitting against it on the floor. 

"Rae, come out!" Patrick knocked ferociously on the door, shaking my body. "I'm not leaving until we talk about this! Until I get a real explanation, I'm staying out here!" I had to admire his tenacity, because I'm sure he knew already that I had no intent of leaving. But that was Patrick. As we sat on either side of the door, both of us silent, both of us teary I fell asleep, the only escape from this day of hell.

I woke up hours later. The sun had gone down and I felt like I had slept on a wood floor, which I had. I peeked under the door and saw the sleeping figure of Patrick across the hall. I wasn't shocked that he had stayed, even though he had probably missed his birthday party. But, it would still be difficult to sneak past. I stood up and opened the door slowly, tiptoeing back in to my room. I just needed to finish packing my bags and get out. 

I quickly filled my suitcase to it's capacity and lofted it over my shoulders. There would be no rolling it while Patrick was sleeping on the floor. I climbed down the stairs, trying not to grunt from the heaviness of my luggage. Mom and Brad were nowhere to be found, which I was also thankful for. I pulled my stuff on to the sidewalk and dialed a cab company.

After waiting about ten minutes, the cab rolled up and loaded my bags up for me. As I sat in the backseat and the driver finished up, climbing in to the front seat, the front door of my house opened and Patrick came running out headed for the cab.

"To the airport, please," I said to the driver quickly."

"Rae, please!" Patrick said, banging on the cab window. I stared straight ahead, not daring to look. 

"Should I let him in, Miss?" the cab driver asked. 

"No, absolutely not. Just get me to the airport as fast as possible," I begged. As the driver put the car in drive and I took one last moment of weakness and turned and looked at Patrick. Both his hands were against the window and he bent over staring in with teary eyes. I put my hand up to the window, against his as tears gently slid off my cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I said as the cab pulled away from the curb, my home, the man I loved, my mom, and Snow Beach. 

What would Dr. Klein think of me now?