Pretty Words and A Broken Heart

All I have to offer...

This... This darkness... So deep. So turbulent. So... Cold.

I revel in it, because it is all I know. Which makes its existence all the sadder, because it is not mine. No, not my darkness. It is a darkness borne of others. Borne of their selfishness and coldness and hatred and malice and ignorance.

Ah... What an invisible crime, ignorance. Ignorance is passing a homeless man on the street, not meeting his sad eyes. Ignorance is hearing the savage whipping of a small boy and not finding a way to protect him.

Ignorance is the greatest evil of this world... And I bear its scars. I bear the scars of pride and envy and anger and lust. This darkness may not be mine, but it is mine to bear. As is this coldness.

I have never seen my own face in the mirror. I have never gazed into my own eyes. Only the eyes of this creature that others have twisted and molded me into.

I peer inwards and find only that Sea of Darkness, ebbing and flowing as steadily as the tides of the moon.

If only I could cage this monster that it stems from. If I could wrestle this and cage it, then I could become something so... Immense. Loved. Needed. Or perhaps, I would simply realize that I am indeed, loved and needed, regardless of my pain.

I am so full of things I wish were not in my mind... There are glimmers of light. I see them. They shine through when I let go and let my fingers fly across the pages. But I have no idea on how to find it. No idea where that little box of light is stored. And so, I cannot offer it to those whom deserve it.

I smile, but it cannot reach my eyes.

I speak of love, without having ever truly felt it.

I laugh, while wishing the world might burn so I could let go, that it might be so beyond repair that I lose the urge to fix it.

Life... It is not something I understand, desperately though I may try.

All I really have to offer anyone... Are pretty words and an empty heart...

Here's to hoping you can fill it.