A night with Mr. Arrogant

Chapter 1

If it didn't then why do I feel a certain shade of numb, of a hallow space, as if that once the reason of love has become an excuse to be hurt. It was as if it's hole I feel like that I no longer fit.

What am I going to do?

"Hoy Nina!" I felt myself being pulled back in the present as a hand almost landed on my face like a gigantic air balloon. I looked at my friend, Meg, as she gave me that stare only I know what it meant.

"Anak ng Tukneneng naman oh? kanina pa ako dada ng dada eh.. 'di ka pala nakikinig plus your mind is anywhere else but here."

I was tired and exhausted when I got into the office the next day. I had tossed and turned all night, and as a result, I've walked into work with a huge Starbucks Venti in my hand. And believe me, that's not the only thing that's huge right at that morning I tell you. Huge bags beneath my eyes and it's the highlight of the day.

I opened my mouth as if to say something, maybe to gentle the blow of what I might say but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I don't even know where to begin so I found myself leaning on my chair some more and sighed

"It's Gerard isn't it?" She said giving me those unfathomable eyes again. When I didn't say anything to contradict her, She rolled her eyes. "It's always that scumbag boyfriend of yours. What's new?"

If we weren't this tight-knit close as friends, I would've been really offended of what she said. Looking at her right now, she might have been actually taking it lightly than I have given her credit for. Usually, whenever I told her about Gerard and our relationship—or the lack thereof as of this week, she would go berserk like a mad ape and fuming like a kettle

She frowned and peered at my face, and then her own expression quickly fell from bad to worse. "He didn't show up, did he?"

I stared at my coffee for quite some time, absorbing everything from what happened last Saturday night. Our supposed "Anniversary" and how I planned it from the candlelight, the Pesto, crème brulee down to the Saffron table linen and everything else in between. All of those things, All the effort I've poured turned to dust without even an "I love you too" or even a greeting coming from him.

Everything felt like I was floating away in the ear since that night. I haven't slept a wink especially after we fought over the phone. I expected him to apologize, sweet his way to my heart like he always does but instead of meeting me and making it up for the lost time, he had another stupid excuse not to meet me that day

"I'm picking up my cousin at NAIA right now. I can't—"

"You've always brought that stupid excuse, Gerard. If it's not Rey, it's your cousin!"

"Ano bang pinapalabas mo ha? Stop being a nag, Nina. This isn't you"

"Well, this isn't you neither, Ge! It's not you to bail out on me. It's not—"

"You know what Nina?" He resigned, cutting me off to that part where I throw all the blame at him. I heard him sighed from the other line. "I can't deal with this right now. Let's just cool our heads off for a while, take a break and then we'll talk"

I shook my head and looked down on my hands for the nth time. I couldn't handle looking at people while they gave me that look. The look which screams how pathetic I may look right now, if I see that on Meg's, I'll probably lose it.

Took me some time to realize Meg has grown quieter each moments had passed. I might have been giving her credit less than she deserved. Usually, whenever I talked about our relationship to her—or the lack thereof as of this week—she would go berserk, fuming even, and would call Gerard all sorts of name there is that she could come up

It was unreeling to watch her this way, quietly sipping her coffee and just looking up to the ceiling like it's more interesting than my predicament right now

When she found my staring at her weirdly, her right brow rose as if daring me to say something.

"It's weird you know.." I began "I never thought I'd live to see the day where Meg and the word calm would possibly co-exist in a single sentence"

She crossed her legs, perched herself on desk and shrugged "I'd say he's good for nothing and you should probably dump his sorry ass but that would be too cliché. Panis na laway ko kakasabi nyan" She sipped on her cappuccino, looking straight into my eyes. When she does that, I dont want to admit to her pero talagang wala akong takas pag dating kay Meg. She knows every little thing there is to know about me.

I glanced at my Blackberry, waiting for it to light up just so I wouldn't hear it from Meg... again.

"Girl, kahit mag ala-cyclops ka pa dyan, pag dilatan mo man yang cellphone mo for the rest of the day, He wont have that decency, even a spare, in his bones to send a text. Taas ng pride non, hiyang hiya ang Burj al Arab"

Another self-indulging silence engulfed us. Nobody said anything else for awhile until Meg broke the silence

"Nina, what's the point of you having a relationship?" she blurted out from nowhere and suddenly her face morphed into some tough-knack Goosebumps-inducing serious, in its full glory.

"To love and to be loved" I said with confidence

"Exactly! You're in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh and to make good memories. Not to constantly be upset, to feel hurt and to cry."

She rubbed her forehead as if having the massive headache of the year. She looked at me again one more time as she sighed

"Look, Nina.." She drew herself nearer to were I sat and then took a deep breathe

It's as if she was thinking of other broader terms and words to utter next and when She looked up and darted her eyes straight to me again, Those large expressive eyes of hers...

"He did that like gazillion of times already! bumenta na yan! ano ba? kung baga sa sinehan, it's like nanunuod ka ng movie na alam mo na ang ending.. Nakakaloka ka, kahit na ano naman sabihin ko sayo, oo ka lang n goo pero pag andyan na parang nakalimutan mo na lahat ng sabi ko" She hissed

But what surprised me more was when she held my hand and grip it as if her life depended on it. "Kapag ipinapakita mo sa taong mahalaga sayo na hindi mo kayang mabuhay ng wala siya, lalo mo lang siyang binibigyan ng dahilan para baliwalain ka." And slowly, those words that shoot through and stabbed me inside. Parang bang bigla na lang akong nadurog sa bawat salita at bawat laman ng mga sinabi niya

She looked earnest and she took my by surprise. Meg, my best friend, was never a serious type and seeing her like this, looking out for me like an older sister, made me heart quenched

"Ang hirap.." I said, looking up to the ceiling to stop my tears from falling. It was embarrassing if I say so myself. Countless times I have run to her and countless times I would do the same thing all over again "It's so hard to throw it all away. Those things which once meant the world to you, ang hirap lang. All those memories, laughter and hurdles I've been through with Gerard. I lost count on how many times I wanted to let go pero napapatanong ako palagi sa end, ngayon pa ba ako susuko, ngayon pa ba ako bibitaw? Naalala ko mga bagay why I held him for so long. Alam mo yun?"

She shushed me with soothing words, giving me a box of Kleenex as she did. Napahulgol ako lalo sa nangyari lalong lalo na noong sinabi nyang.. "Giving up doesn't indicate that you are weak, Nina. It means you've held on to something so long and it's time to let go when you knew it's beyond saving. That, my friend, is strength"

"Thanks, Meg. I just don't know what would I've done if I'm alone with all these. Ang dami mo talagang hugot, unli"

"Sus! Maliit na bagay"

As if on queue, my phone started ringing and right there the devil's name showed up disguised in the name of ...

Gerard Enriquez calling..

Meg and I turned to look at each other before she chastised "Looks like nadaan ng masamang hanging at napatawag. That, or tinablan na ng konsensya"

—-

(Edited as of April 14 2015)