A Kidnapper's Dream (Unedited)

-Epilogue: A Kidnapper's Nightmare-

Most of the pages are lists, about...Me. This must be Luca's. The first date goes back to when I was probably around twelve, right before everything happened in my life. Luca, he was really there for me, always. I knew he was, but seeing this, I know he's being true; honest.

I skip through a few pages of endless lists and my heart starts breaking; faster and faster. He really does love me, so very much. I make it to an entry at the end, this one is fresh, the ink is still wet, surprisingly. I try not to smudge my fingers with it, the best I can.

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After reading it, I drop the journal to the floor. I can't read another entry, even if there was one left to read. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I pick up the ring box and take one glance at the ring. I slip it on my finger slowly, I can't lose this ring, ever. This is what I'll have left of him, of us, of our love. Tears return to my face, rolling and sticking to my skin. They taste awfully salt, and bitter. I hate crying, but I loved him so much. I still love him so much.

I never thought I would fall in love for a kidnapper, not even in my wildest dreams. I never thought I would fall in love with a murderer, I mean, who does that? Definitely an idiot. I never thought I would fall in love with a man who looks so demonic and frightening, but I did. I will never stop loving him either.

Annabella walks in the room, I can only tell this by the squeak of the floorboards and the sound of her feet on wood. I don't have time for her right now, I want to cry myself out, to feel the pain. I don't want her near me. I don't want to talk to her. I just want to be alone, with myself and this ring. I want to look up at the elephants painting and smile, but I just can't right now. I want to look at my locket, that beautiful one with the 'J'.

I can't find it. I left it right here on the table, and when I lean down to grab it by it's chain...It's gone...I almost let more tears come out, because the thought of it being lost is ridiculously stupid of me. Then, I think, maybe Luca has it...This is what makes me cry more, realizing that he took the locket to remember me by. That we may never meet again, in this lifetime...Or any lifetime.

I try to forget about our first kiss, I try to forget about the day I showed him my body, I try to forget the day he painted me. Those are all memories, so fresh in my mind. Although, what about the other ones? How he trained me to paint that canvas above my head. How he saved me from Felix. How he would touch me and feel me, protect me, unlike any other man I knew.

How he kidnapped me and my life turned upside down and back around.

This is not a kidnapper's dream anymore, this is a kidnapper's nightmare. I've placed myself in it to experience it...To taste the pain of it all, the sorrow.

Annabella just stands there, twirling a strand of blonde hair in between two fingers, awkwardly and nervously. She can't stand to see me like this, I know, because we both feel the same when we cry or feel pain like this. I understand my baby girl, but that doesn't mean I want her anywhere near me right now. I don't want to yell at her, I don't want to go wild on my child. She deserves a better mother, but I could never be strong for her, I'm still not. She deserves so much better, and an actual father too.

I'd use to think, that maybe on day, Luca and me would get married. The day would come, but it wouldn't be this close. Annabella would have a father, but she wouldn't love him like I do. She wouldn't accept him like I do. I still don't know what she thinks of him, of his looks, of his behavior. I know she's partially scared, but she's an understanding child, and she's young. At that age, you can believe and understand a lot of things an adult wouldn't.

I close my eyes, to blink away some tears. I really do hate crying...It makes me feel weak. I know I'm weak, I know I'm pathetic, but I don't need something silly like tears to remind me what I am. Nobody ever gives me credit though, I've been through so much and I deserve to be weak, but look at everything I've done. That took a lot of courage and bravery, especially to love someone like Luca, to show him some compassion. His own parents wouldn't even do that.