This Year, I'll Tell Him (#JA2K16)

This Year, I'll Tell Him

This year, I'll tell him.

"TEN!"

The countdown was starting and I had failed, yet again, to live up to the resolution I set for myself every year. Every year, I made a simple goal. Every year, I couldn't do it.

"NINE!"

This year would be over in a matter of seconds, washing away my last chances to turn to the smiling, fedora topped boy next to me. These were my last seconds to say the words that had danced in the back of my head every time I saw him.

I love you.

Why was that so hard? Three little words, yet my mouth always betrayed me by never letting them through. I just wanted him to know...

"EIGHT!"

I turned my head to look at the one that unknowingly had been holding my heart captive for so long. The party lights reflected off his glasses, hiding his excited blue eyes. He was biting his lip and bouncing on his heels just slightly. He was biting his lip in anticipation of calling the next second.

He was still so child like, even though his teen years were nearly at a close. It was one of those things that made me love him more. He always saw a brighter side. He always found a reason to smile and make me smile.

He was one of the only reasons I did smile some days.

"SEVEN!"

Patrick jumped as he said it. The smile on his face was huge, the absolute perfect sight to usher in the new year.

"SIX!"

Why was it so hard to just tell him? Why couldn't I just say three simple words to him? I tried, so many times I tried.

I came so close at Christmas, nearly walking him right under some mistletoe. Just my luck that I chickened out just as we turned the corner. I instead ended up taking him to the food table with the excuse of, "Have you ever even tried your mother's cooking? It's to die for!"

I could be so smooth at times, it pained me.

If only I could be smooth enough to somehow fit in those three, pesky words.

"FIVE!"

Five seconds already? Could the year really be this far gone?

"FOUR!"

Patrick was holding his hands together up at his chest. I couldn't hold back my laughter. I didn't want to hold back the words I wanted to say to him.

"THREE!"

This was my chance. My last chance this year.

"Patrick!" I yelled over the noise of the party, getting him to turn to me. The light bounced off his glasses as he turned to me. His eyes were wide as he looked at me. I could still see the purples and greens of the party lights in his eyes, but I could also get a clear view of that beautiful blue I knew too well...

"TWO!"

Patrick tilted his head at me. "What is it?" He asked, his voice barely audible to my ears.

This was my chance. It was so close to the end. I wanted to end this year saying it. I had to take my chance.

"ONE!"

My breath caught for just a moment before I could say it. "I love you!"

The words finally came out. I couldn't believe it. I had finally been able to say it, with just milliseconds seconds left in the year.

"What?" Patrick asked, his face scrunching in a slight confusion. I don't think he heard me.

I had finally said the three words, and he didn't hear me...

"ZERO!"

There was only one thing left. I grabbed his arms and pulled his body close to mine.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

I pushed my lips against his as the cheers ran through the room. I could hear the fireworks outside to go along with everyone's excitement, but the only fireworks I was really aware of were the ones I felt while connected to Patrick.

It just felt so electrifying after so long. I wanted to imagine Patrick felt the sparks that I could feel from this, but my eyes were closed. I loved this feeling...but I was also so afraid. What if he didn't feel it?..

I finally pulled away, a bit afraid to open my eyes. It seemed silent around me, even though I knew the party was really just coming to life. I didn't want to open my eyes to an angry or disgusted Patrick. What if I had just messed up big?..

"Pete?" Patrick's laughing tone tempted my eyes open. His expression was soft, just as it always was. He motioned for me to lean down closer to him.

I gave him a hesitant look. He just rolled his eyes and laughed. He stood up on his tip toes to cup his hand by my ear.

"Why didn't you ever speak up sooner?" He asked with laughter still laced in his tone. He took a step back and just smiled at me.

I couldn't believe it. I was stunned as he laughed again, joy absolutely flushing over his face. He covered his mouth with his hands and shook his head. He moved his hands away and said something that I couldn't hear, but I knew exactly what he said by reading his lips.

"I love you too."

I couldn't even comprehend my own joy when he stepped forward, leaned in, and pushed his lips against mine. I kept my eyes open this time, blinking rapidly at the slightly shorter boy. His eyes were closed and I could feel his lips curved into a smile.

This year I actually told him.

This year was already off to a great start...