The Undeniable Sweetness of Jam

Welcome To My Life

As I entered the office I noticed Angela glaring at me from the accounting corner. I swear that woman wants me dead. I just hate her, stupid, skinny, little blonde christian, cat fanatic. Okay maybe I should calm down. I feel like I might be over exaggerating things a little. She can't want me dead.

I sat down at my desk and turned my computer on. Eight new emails. All from Michael. What a creep. Oh my God, he was staring at me through his office blinds. What a creep. I smiled awkwardly and begrudgingly at him and turned my head in the other direction, only to find an outraged looking Angela watching me, her lip curled in hatred and disgust.

I can't stand working with so many weird people. Oh come on Pam, I thought to myself, they're not all like that. I looked up only to see Kevin at the copier, his eyes and mouth wide open, his left pinkie up his nose, desperately rummaging for some extra nourishment to keep him going until his next meal. I shuddered and looked down at my computer screen so as to avoid seeing him savor his little snack.

Jim walked casually into the room and saluted me with a broad smile and an awkward little wave. Oh it's so worth going to work and watching the whole office gawk over Jim. I was so glad we'd refrained from telling anyone were dating. It would have been soooo awkward otherwise. I could already imagine Angela asking Jim how he could stand going out with someone who is as fat and obviously has no interest in anything about him other than his money.

She wouldn't have said it like that. No, her version would be way ruder.

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Just as the entire office goes for lunch, I receive an extremely important, extremely long email from corporate, which I have to summarize for Michael. Angela, Dwight and Michael are the only other people left. Oh and Creed, but I'm not sure he counts as a person. They all keep looking at me simultaneously and my level of discomfort moves very swiftly from unsettled to downright disturbed.
I stare insistingly at each of them in turn so they'll stop doing that exact same thing to me.

Creed stands up, gets his brief case and coat and leaves. Like that, in the middle of the day. And Michael obviously has no problem with it seeing as a few minutes later he does the exact same thing.
I feel like I should leave because of what is probably going to happen between Dwight and Angela. The slurpy noises emitted from Dwight's mouth against Angela's neck make my stomach churn. Neither of them knows I'm still here. I need to let them know I am. Swiftly I get to my feet and start cluttering about at my desk, shuffling paper and generally trying to make as much noise as possible. To no prevail.
Utterly frustrated, I walk over to the spot, behind the copier, where a pair of dirty underpants is humping the pristine straight knee-lenghted black skirt that is covering Angela's panties which I suspected are white with a lot of skimpy pale pink lace. Ugh. I turn around and run out without looking back. I get to my car and start driving frantically back home.