Willingly-Unwillingly

Willingly, unwillingly,

That’s the mystery of all,

Which makes me feel worse,

Be worse?

To fall back knowingly

Or to do so being blind?

To consent my actions

Or to be unaware?

Willingly and unwillingly

Both, if possible, at the same time;

I have no choice

For I want it and I don’t,

I fight it and I allow

No stopping, not a single time;

I’m back at the start:

I lapse voluntarily,

I repeat reluctantly;

Back into the craving

I enslave myself

Deliberately and forced;

That’s my obsession,

Never ending anchor,

Slowly sinking stone.