Dear Rosemary ▸ Tyler Joseph

14

*VERY TRIGGERING! PLEASE BE CAREFUL GUYS.*

This was what my life had come to. This was it.

My last few breaths were shaky and unsteady. I wasn't ready, no, but it came down to the fact that I couldn't begin to wait any longer. I didn't want to be here anymore. I couldn't be here anymore.

Tyler was gone. He had left with Josh in the morning for a rehearsal at the studio. Mila was at work, meaning she'd be away for a few hours, and aside from that, there was no one else that I truly cared more about. They were all gone, too.

One thing I knew I needed to make sure about was having the flat completely empty. What pained me was the thought of who would find me first, and it stung me in the chest to even think about the thought of one of my loved ones sooner or later finding me in such a state.

On the desk to the left of me, I had written three separate notes. Tyler's had come up to something about seven or eight pages long, back and front. Mila's was about four or five, quite similar to Josh's length.

The penmanship on them was incredibly awful and messy, leaving me surprised if anyone could actually read them. Everything had been a blur, my sight had abandoned me as the pen in my hands met the papers in those moments. I'd been sobbing too much to even focus on my writing.

As the wooden chair below me rocked slightly, I found myself gasping for air after the piece of furniture had rocked a little too forward. I relaxed again after finding my balance.

The rope was carefully tied onto a strong section of the ceiling and the noose stayed wrapped around my cold hands. My stomach felt as though it had been flipped inside out just staring at the knot.

I'd gained enough courage to finally sliver it above my head, and then slowly and hesitantly around my neck. It took me a few self-reflecting moments before tightening it, feeling the warm tears start to flow down my cheeks. The situation at hand was finally settling in my mind. And, in my mind along with that, a quick prayer was repeated over and over again, asking for forgiveness from whatever god was looking dissatisfied down on me.

Speaking of the overlapping feelings of disappointment, my mother wouldn't be the proudest of me in this moment, either. No one would. But, it was a fact that I would be better off dead than alive in the long run, which in turn, made up for it.

Tyler didn't need me. Hell, I'm just someone he has to care for because I have the title of being his girlfriend. The only reason why he probably hasn't left me yet either is because he pities me too much to actually do so. He has his whole life ahead of him that I hold him back from. I needed to let him go.

Josh has hated me from the start. I stole his best friend away from him, and I was the one that caused that hiccup in their friendship a few months back.

Mila is in her own state of sadness to even look at me twice. Which, I quite frankly, didn't blame her for. I wouldn't give a shit about me if I was her, let alone anyone else.

It was time, I'd made up my mind. No one needed me, and I didn't need me, so what was the point?

My foot stretched out in front of my shaking body as my hands gripped onto the rope around my neck. My eyelids fluttered shut and I breathed slowly in and then out.

1...2...

And that was it.

The chair fell behind me as my feet lifted off of it freely. The pounding in my chest slowed, and the thoughts in my mind had disappeared. Everything had left me and I was scared.

I believed in some heaven, I assumed there should be such a place, and that eventually, I would soon be with my mother and father. However, fathoming the thought of actually coming to face the afterlife was what startled me, and had shaken me up slightly.

Darkness soon came and wrapped around me like a black blanket. The process wasn't peaceful, though, as much as I'd wanted it to be.

Someone would as well have had their hands around my neck, choking the life out of me and perhaps it could compare.

I was gasping, and clawing away at the air surrounding me. Slowly, my hands became colder and colder, as I could sense that my time had finally come.

Goodbye Tyler.