Wasting Time

"The wind is blowing arctic air                                                                                                                                               Leaves keep falling down my hair                                                                                                                                             This night feels like being stinged by chill                                                                                                                      With the dimmed streetlights crushing my will"

-11:59 pm, Denice

"When? When will be the day?"                                                                                                                                          This question I ask myself consistently ever since I left home. Every time I wrote an incomplete poem, while staring blankly into the streetlights. And every single time before losing myself to sleep.

It feels like every minute, hmm no, surely every second feels like an eternity of homesick vacation chronicles, I certainly hate this! yet all I can do is to sit here in the corner of my bed and turn my head right to my window where the breeze is calmly touching my face which always turns my mood into reminiscing those good old days where I've spent my free time with my college groupies staying out late, or should I say wasting time at our university's parking lot and talking about random stuffs until it turns to serious conversations like "when did the sky turned blue? or something" (oh just kidding, silly)

But nah! should I call that wasting time? If so, then I miss those gold days when to eradicate time was enjoyable! having road trips and didn't mind where the wheel may take us, playing basketball until my precious asthma triggers (Yes, I have a pretty little freaking disease called ASTHMA, I hate it like hell) learning how to play guitar desperately until my left hand fingers turn numb (I'm still dying to learn how to play it somehow) and so many things that ends up my terrific day! Yeah, I used to have that magnificent day that I'm longing myself to have another one.

I gazed up to the vast sky full of stars and oh! For a moment I didn't expect to witness a spectacular  Traill's comet! It only appears every 100 years (facebook reference) only if I'm not mistaken, ha ha!  Oh well, I'm hoping it brings my wishes to God (I wish it flies upward) for tomorrow is my birthday. All I hope is my friends are also longing to see me as much as I want to be with them. 

I'm impatiently pursuing my thoughts wasting my time with them in the way it used to be. Not in the way I'm wasting my time nowadays, staying up all day doing nothing, gawking into my painted matte black rose, wanting to stroll but can't, waiting for someone I miss to remember and message me, and effortless crying to sleep due to slight emptiness. In the end, I was still Denice, just another lost star in it's wrong place, trying to light up the dark in a short period of time.