DERP JOURNAL!

Sweet new ideas

Eckh-hem *flem flem*

Some of you know that I'm insane, and that be true. But I'm can be actually quite businesslike on some days. Mostly Wednesdays, but as if it matters? I've got new story ideas!!!

Nine News

Bill ding:I'm going to hand this on over to Anita brain, famous news reporter, to do a report on Awesomegecko13's new novels, ideas, and updates LIVE on Nine News.

Anita Brain:Hello Awesomegecko13, I'm Anita Brain and I'd-

Awesomegecko13(me): well I'm sure we could afford a transplant.

Anita Brain: *laughs nervously* actually I'd like to hear about the latest news on your novels, ideas, and updates.

Awesomegecko13: I see. Well recently I've been editing my first (uncompleted) book ever, Evergreen, and I'm quite exited about the progress. Also I will soon be updating Brains and doing a little story book straight from the chapped mouths or crazy old people, Nana Fungus, Uncle Potato, and Ms. Gramma Fatbutt. Here's a sneak peek~

And when he'd ride his motorcycle, it would always lightning. Oh my, and thunder, BOOOOM!!! And flash flash flashy flash like.. Um ... uh emmm like a disco strobe light in purple, like at them newer day strip clubs.

~Nana Fungus

After the buttered turtle war I was sick to the very tibbed flobbet and jumhiddle tired, and if that wasn't pig fart enough, I carfwabbled home to find my wife , a magical cat who's turds could take me to another dimension. ~Uncle Potato

I was dancing on the party boat as a young girl when Tom , the most talented little girl on the boat, came up and pushed me off. I only survived because of my big fat rotund sexy monumental bum and the hyper-active bunny slippers that took me straight to shore.

~ Ms. Gramma Fatbutt

Anita Brain: why that was lovely Awesomegecko13!!! I'm sure it will become an instant classic!!! Now back to Bill Ding-

Awesomegecko13: em, duh. Now about that transplant...

THE END

Toodah !

You likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

AND ITS ALL FOR FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

haha. Chicken butt jam. So tell me, so far out of all of my book characters which is your favorite and why?

Just to get this straight, an Orangutan is an orange herbivorous ape from the semi-tropics. An orangutan is much different than orangutang. Orangutang is the color of deep blue raspberry blue. WARNING: DO NOT CONFUSE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT!!!!!!!

And now for a music commentary, the five songs of the week are

King For A Day (feat Kellin Quinn)

By Pierce The Veil

I put poison in your drink

By Naomi king

Kill Your Heroes

By Awolnation

Memories

By Panic! At The Disco

And

NANANA

By My Chemical Romance

WOOOOT WOOOOOOOOOT

Marsupials

Pickles

Pipers

Vipers

Snipers

Binoculars

Bananas

Bandanas

Cows

OMG YOU SHOULD SO LOOK UP SEXYDOGBUNS ON WATTPAD SHE'S AS CRAZILY AWESOME AS MEEEEEEEE!!!!! And everyone wants more or crazily awesomeness and me, right?

SAY RIGHT. SAAAAAAAY IT!!! OR I WILL GO ALL NAGAINA ON YOUR ASSES AND IT WILL BE THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THING EVER.

Yes, as a child I fit the part of Nagaina in the play Rikki Tikki Tavi .

MYAAAAAAAAAAACKAAAKVAMAVAJAJFJSLAPAPAPPOPOOAKPSOJEPAJDKDDHDKAID

POOP

P:people

O:order

O:our

P:patties

POOP

Am I your idol nitches? Ohoho well you know what they sing:

There's nothin wrong with OCD

As long as its for me

Long as its for mee-eee

Said the monkey of old town of thy farts ," smells like a cosey rosette pin code."

WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS.

today I'll be teaching you not to skim over stories . First of all, those people work really hard on making every detail in their book, novel, series, or poem perfect for y.o.u. And what you're doing is skimming through it and not realizing the true artistry done in the pieces of today's almost-authors. It's like wouldn't you be pissed off if you just explained what happened to juju after the plane crashed and someone asked in the comments "what happened to juju after the plane crash?" WELL WHY DONT YOU FUCKING READ IT AGAIN ASSTARD. It's like a slap in the face, it's humiliating. Second, if you're skimming its clear that you're bored with the story, (meaning you just don't like it, and that's ok but don't tell the person that) impatient (because you simply cannot wait to see the plot line unfold), or you are just not good at reading/ you're stupid. This happens all the time. Skimming is stupid. Ok so skim this short story:

Bob was a tomato from Moscow, Russia. One day he was mysteriously stabbed by a squid-unicorn who was smelling him. The squid-unicorn did not mean to do it so immediately called bobs aunt from Asia, vayjau the toilet bird. She wasn't worried about bob. So the squid-unicorn called his other aunt, pigfwaboo, from Canada . She was worried but refused to do a fuck. So the hangry squid-unicorn ate bobs remains and strutted around Russia like a fresh goats banana-llama.

THE END.

Now answer me these questions, if you get many right you were actually not skimming:

Who was bob?

What tragedy happened to bob, and in what way?

How many aunts did bob have, what were their names, and where did they live?

What did pigfwaboo refuse to do?

After the squid-unicorn ate bobs remains, what did he do?

Now go back and actually read it.

Yeah I know . Confusing isn't it?

AND IF YOU'VE BEEN SKIMMING THIS WHOLE ENTIRE THING FUCK YOU, I CURSE ALL OF YOUR MANY CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO ARE AS STUPID AS YOU, WITH FIFTEEN BELLY BUTTONS!!!!!

And if not I bless your whole family line with happiness, sparkles, and squid-unicorns.

You: oh wait! We don't want a squid-unicorn. We really don't want to end up like bob!!!

Me: yeah well too bad I told you my prizes were a pity.

You: no you didn't!!! This isn't fair!!!

Me: I didn't? Well I'm telling you now. Besides it was in you're contract in the super duper über fine print on the contract that you signed, along with the fact that if you quit our century program at any time you will receive hourly cat facts until the millennia after your great great great grandchildren die from the squid-unicorn.

You:so you planned the squid-unicorn?

Me:oh quite much... Hah I'm joking I just had to get rid of it at some point.

You: well at least the squid-unicorn hasn't tried anything yet- owwwww NOOOO I'm dying!!!!!!

Me: yup. Seeya.

Llamas