New Year Without You {Phan}

Day One

January 1st 2016
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Everyone's saying that I should keep a journal of my feelings, so that I can "better cope" with you being gone. It seems silly and unnessasary, and I probably won't keep up with it because I never can, but I figured I'd try. For you.
It's been less than a day without you. And, well, it doesn't feel real. It feels like you're on a holiday up North, or that you're just busy. It doesn't feel like you're... Gone. My best friend is dead. Why? Why you, Phil? Why did that drunk driver have to hit your car? You weren't drinking, or doing anything bad. You just went to go get pizza. We were going to spend New Years watching Sherlock. Bloody hell. Why couldn't it be me? I'd rather you be alive then me.. You make everyone happy. You're so adorable. There was nobody better than you, Phil. And there will never be anyone better than you. You were everybody's sunshine.. How can we go on without our sunshine?

We haven't told our subscribers the news, yet. Though, death is inevitable, I don't think I want to deal with the pain of seeing 5 million people crying and sending me tweets and all the tumblr posts. none of us are ready.
I've stayed in bed all day, I guess I don't want to walk around the flat. Too many memories, and I'll probably start crying, again.

Dammit, Phil. Please be a dream.. Please come back.

Dan.

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hii. sorry if this is shitty, as it is, 5:30 in the morning x
but uh. hopefully you guys like it idk.