Dumblight: A Twilight Spoof by Methenie Steyer

Dumblight Chapter 8

"And so the Eagle fell in love with the Raven," said Edmund.

"What a foolish and pathetic Raven," I said.

"What a disgusting, greedy, and evil Eagle," Edmund said back.

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Well, there were three things in the world that were certainly true:

#1:Edmund was a vampire. Not like those stereotypical Hollywood types. But a real, existing vampire. Just what I needed.

#2:There was a part of him that wanted to kill me. Kill me and prevent me from dumping any more guys, since I seem to date guys the way other people change their shoes.

#3:And the third thing was, I realized that I knew he was the one for me.

Yeah. That's how it all goes.

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That same night, I sat in my room wondering what I had gotten myself into. Edmund Dullen was a vampire. I was nothing more than a girl who judged my dates based on unrealistic expectations.

And we hooked up WHY?

OK, now imagine how I managed to get myself into this state.

I meet a cute boy, who saves my life, and oh, he's a vampire.

Life just somehow gotten interesting.

And it also got quite dangerous.

The next day, Edmund and I walked all the way to school. Or rather, he drove me to school in his fancy car. Everyone gasped as they saw us coming. Edmund just said, "Ignore them, for they know not of what they are envying." I nodded, but that didn't make me feel any better.

And as for Chris, Logan, Melissa, and Rhea, they were just as shocked as everyone else. But Edmund's family was downright jealous. But did I care about what they all thought? NO!

So anyway, we spent a good part of the day together and when it came time for lunch, I did see the rest of the Dullens anywhere, nor was little Josie Candace with her anti-teenybopping group.Where did they all go, I wondered to myself.

Edmund said, "Well, for some reason, they packed their bags and left for the day. I can't imagine my mom being happy about that at all. Anyway, do you want to, you know, hang out and stuff?"

"Yeah," I said. But little did we know that our lives would take a turn for the fangs...

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(normal POV)

Let's have some random guy go fishing in his boat and three vampires show up. Let's make the vampires two guys and a girl. Here we go.

Doug was in his fishing boat when a strange woman with red hair showed up. Just then, a dark-skinned young man with twists in his hair stood next to him. A blond haired man stood behind him.

Doug said, "Uh, why are you here?"

The blond man said, "Aren't you that dumbassed cousin of the original Temmy fromTemmy & Venus?"

"The new Temmy sucks," said the dark haired man. "Having her be a Muslim? Please! The writer can do so much better than THAT!"

"Uh, Joey, Francois, let's not mock him," said Susannah, "and besides, the new Temmy is 1,000 times better than the old. Now, let's have some lunch. I'm starving."

Francois agreed. "Do you know what we are?" The vampires stood up and did a crazy pose.

"Yes," said Doug. "You're the White-Haired Beans!"

Joey was furious. "No!" he yelled out. "We are NOT the White-Haired Beans! Why does everyone in the world always think that we're the White-Haired Beans?" Doug pointed to Susannah. "I get it, I get it," said Joey, "she looks like Gigi."

"What about him," said Doug as he pointed to Francois.

"Yeah, everyone thinks he looks like Phil-Li-Tip," said Joey, "but do they have an actual White guy in their group? NO!"

"And besides," said Francois, "we are the Nomads."

"So, you're some kind of rock band?" said Doug.

"No, we are vampires," said Joey.

"So, you're some kind of vampire rock band?" said Doug.

"NO!" Joey was very angry now. "We are vampires! What part of that do you not understand?"

Doug just would not quit. "So you guys are..."

Joey had had enough of this. "We are vampires," he snarled, "we eat people! And I think we'll start with you!"

He stood up and pounced on Doug. Francois and Susannah also pounced on Doug. And no one was around to hear him scream...