Dumblight: A Twilight Spoof by Methenie Steyer

Dumblight Chapter 3

When my little van pulled up into Snorks High School, everyone did a double take. Despite the amount of time and effort I had spent to ACTUALLY scrape that crappy old orange paint off the vehicle and paint it a decent color, some orange spots managed to show through the paint. So I took some spray cans and spray painted that joker BLACK.

So here I am with a BLACK van and not much else, since I decided to wear my patched-up blue jeans and a stiff cotton top. Before I got too far, a boy came up to me and said, "You must be Rebecca Raven, aren't you? I heard you was here in town."

"Becca, if you please," I replied in kind. "And *DON'T* ever call me Becky. I knew a few people who made that mistake and let's just say the scene was not pretty. So, what's your name?"

"Logan Negron," said Logan.

Just then, a girl called out, "Hey, Logan, who's that with you?"

"It's just Becca Raven," said Logan. He then said, "That's Melissa Mueller, our resident cheerleader."

"I'm not a cheerleader," Melissa snapped. "I only look like one." She looked me over and said, "So, you're Becca Raven, aren't you?"

"Yes," I said.

"Well then, Becca," said Melissa, "let's get hopping! Class begins soon and Mr. Bernotti is not a very patient man."

I nodded and we all headed into (guess what?) ENGLISH! I had always hated that class because Harmonica Quailer ALWAYS managed to make me look like an idiot in that class. And in every other class I was in.

Another boy was seen eyeing me. "Watch it, Chris," said Logan. "Christian MacDonald," said Chris. "My family runs a little boating shop in town. Perhaps you can stop by sometime?"

"Perhaps," I said as I took my seat next to a girl named Rhea Fox.

After a few torturous hours of having to introduce myself to the class, I was more than happy to get away from teachers and textbooks and desks and actually EAT some school lunch (which wasn't allowed in my old school back in Presclott).

I had just grabbed my lunch and was about to sit down at my seat when I saw several people walk in. "Oh, it's just the Dullen family," said Melissa when I asked. "That blonde girl is called Renee and that big guy's name is Everett. The other two are called Jordan and Angelica. Edmund is the youngest in the family. And then there's little Josie Candice; they adopted her." I gasped as I saw SIX people all sitting at the table next to the window, all eating lunch.

"They were all adopted by Chad and Ellen Dullen," said Rhea. "And it's a shame that Mrs. Dullen couldn't have children of her own. Chad is the local doctor here, even if he looks more like a supermodel than an actual doctor."

"Eat your heart out, Brad Pitt," Melissa seconded her.

"So, are any of them...dating?" I hesitated to ask.

"Yeah," said Chris. "Renee's dating Everett; they're nuts about each other. Angelica and Jordan are together as well."

"But Josie is only 13 years old and she's too young for a boyfriend," said Chris. "And we're not even sure why Edmund doesn't have a girlfriend yet."

"You forgot that he's gay," said Logan.

"Yeah, and that too," said Rhea.

I stared at the boy named Edmund for a long time. He didn't seem to do anything but just sit there. But the others were laughing as they ate and talked. Or it was just Josie eating and everyone else talking. But all the same, they appeared to be the strangest set of siblings I had ever met.

After lunch ended, I rushed to my next class, which was science with Mrs. Hammond. She said, "Miss Raven, I had made it clear that I wasn't about to take any more newcomers. I have way too many students right now." She wasn't kidding; nearly 45 people were crowded into a classroom that was built for only 12 people. She then said, "You can have a seat right next to Mr. Dullen over there while I complain to the principal, again."

I nodded and went to take my seat next to Edmund, who was sitting in the back of the classroom. As soon as I had reached my seat, Edmund darted out the classroom to everyone's surprise. "Get back here, Edmund Dullen!" Mrs. Hammond snapped.

"You've done it now, Becca," I muttered to myself as the lesson began. "You've barely been on Snorks one week and already your reputation as a heartbreaker precedes you. You should just give up any hope that someone like Edmund Dullen or any other boy will ever love you." People looked at me real strange, but said nothing. I knew that I was going to have to get to the bottom of why Edmund Dullen had ran out of the room when I showed up.