When Hardships Began.. (Ralefannaes POV)

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by anayalistyles

by anayalistyles

Bradford Palomania July 5, 2006(A/N: Play song on side)

You see, my mother was diagnosed with leukemia when I was 4 and it was barely even prominent so we pretended that it wasn't event there for our own sakes ignoring her health and tending to her needs. The effects of the illness didn't occur until I was 8, where she HAD to take chemo, her hair withered away, she always threw up blood and 2 years later, when I was cuddling with my mother, she spoke her last words silkily "Baby you don't have to life your life in fear and loathing, You wanna feel like you are floating, instead of constantly exploding, in fear and loathing, Promise me, no matter what happens, you'll cling onto the hope of being brought out of you suffering." "Yes, Mom." "Thank you baby girl." She soon drew her last, expired breath and her once weak grip, fell completely. I pressed my ear against her chest, yearning to hear her calming heart peat slightly flick against her chest, but never to be found. I begged for her to come back but she never did. My dad walked in right when I was screaming "MOM, DON'T LEAVE US LIKE THIS! PLEASE!!" My father took it hard and stormed out, leaving me with a corpse of a mother, only too come back, a raging, grieving drunk. He yelled angrily and ferociously aimed at me, "THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT! WE SPENT MOST OF OUR MONEY ON YOU, IF WE HADN'T, SHE WOULDV'E GOT BETTER TREATMENT AND WOULD STILL BE ALIVE MAYBE EVEN HAD WON THE CANCER BUT NOOOO, WE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LITTLE MAGGOTY RALEFANNAES!!" Then it happened, right when I stood up, I was forced back down by a backhanded slap from my once loving father, only to lay in a pool of my own blood, from my first beat down. Cuts, bruises, and blood covered me from head to toe like a second skin.

Present Timing

So now you see how this web of pain all evolved, ever since that unfortunate night in July, my life has been nothing but misery-filled Hell. But I made my mother a promise. I have my locket that my mother got for me when I was 2, it had a picture of her all smiles, before she was diagnosed with that disease. It was like she knew what would happen and gave me a warning, and I truly thank her for that, I know my father is blinded from anger, and despair, especially since I'm an everyday reminder of her because I'm her clone of when she was my age, which is 17. I swear if it wasn't for my dad always being gone on the weekends where I could sneak out to go to church. I would've lost all faith, but I don't want to be completely faithless. My life's theme song is Fear and Loathing by Marina and the Diamonds, coincidentally, my mom's last words are exactly what Marina sings, I swear sometimes I think my mom was psychic. You will never hear the end of what I say about my life, I've never had anyone to lean on since my mom died. I have no one to tell anything to, so I bottle up all my emotions, soon ready to explode, 7 years of bottling up can damage people when it comes out rapidly and deadly. Not that I've snapped before, but I've read enough books and seen enough movies to know what happens when it's bottled up for too long. The only ways I can let my pain out is by 1) Praying to the Lord thanking him for letting me live and that the pain is a reminder I'm still alive, and letting my mother out of this cruel world, and 2) Cutting myself. And, I might as well be anorexic from what my father feeds me but somehow, I got used to it, the reason I say this is because if I for example take a bite of cafeteria food or anything else, just one bite, it never stays down, my body is telling me it's too much to handle and so i just feed my food the the trash at school and to the pests at home. I've never bothered making eye contact with anyone since I was the freak who long sleeved shirts or bracelets without a mom. My blonde hair always staying down in my face so no one can ever see the tragics done upon my face, it helps when I have a hoodie and I always keep my head down to my feet.

But, one day I ran into the school's bad boy, Zayn Malik. I quickly muttered "Sorry for my stupidity." Just to see his reaction, I was truly sorry but what he did left me flustered, he gave me a sticky note that said " Text or call me ;) (754)235-9854" (A/N:Just a random number OK?) What..just..happened? He leaned his lips to my ear and lowly but softly whispered "You're not stupid love, and I'm not as bad as people make me seem. You'll find out sooner or later." He sent me a warm smile as I gave him a small smile,oh my gosh I haven't smiled in 7 years. He caressed my arm as I dove my head into my chest, smiling like an idiot at the ground and.... blushing? I've never blushed before. "You look adorable when you blush Ralefannaes."

Only three words swam around in my head..

WHAT..JUST..HAPPENED?!